Wow. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. So this is what most women in America deal with in a typical week. Hats off to you, working mothers. I am checking in after a week of work with a deadline. Don't get me wrong, staying home with children, cleaning and caring for a home and husband, is all a whole ton of work. I've been doing it for twelve years now. I have felt exhausted, mentally drained, unappreciated both by the world and by my employers. I have also loved every single minute, no matter how awful, knowing how utterly privileged I was to do the work I had chosen to do, and spend every day with my adored children, even if I was not being paid a dime.
This week found us homeschooling at an intense pace. The children announced their intention of being on summer break by the end of May, I countered with the list of what needs to happen before then, and my date of June 15th. We went back and forth on the topic for a few days; "Our friends are all done before then," "Your friends don't get every Wednesday off or only have class in the morning." We came to the compromise that if they satisfactorily meet my requirements, they can call it a year by May 29th. That means more work for them, and more for me; organize, delegate, correct,redirect.
Of course, as most always happens, this has also been the week of the most concentrated professional effort in the last 12 years. I've usually had some writing going on, a French class or two, or some volunteer project, but my husband and I decided that this was the weekend to launch our first website. This coincides with a homeschool conference at which I am presenting two workshops. It has been exhilarating, having a goal and finding the hours in the day to pursue it. Working at the library or a cafe all by my lonesome for a couple of hours here and there has felt liberating. It has been exciting, the new ideas that have been generated, the spark created between my husband and I as we create together, this time something other than a baby. Evenings together, talking, planning and dreaming have been romantic. And it has been bone-weary, worn-out tiring, though in a good way.
The website? French with Kids, an organic, family-friendly approach to foreign languages that helps a parent tailor a language program for your home environment. It's a very simple idea that I've been wanting to present to families for a long time as an alternative to the text book style of learning. How many times a day do you or your children need to say; "I am American, are you German?" or "the student's desk is in front of the teacher's desk,"? But how many times do we need to say; "Can you play nicely please?" or "Set the table." It is not a method that advocates a passive approach in front of a computer screen or the tv. It is a living, breathing, practice-every-day-together type of learning. Request from parent elicits an action or a response from child. Learn one or so a day and make it part of your life and the language will become a part of you as well. Like Suzuki or Waldorf, less is more, learning an expression well and using it often is prized above large quantities of vocabulary you may not use every day. There are many songs involved as well. I will keep you updated on the opening of the site. Right now I need a nap.
P.S. How fun that today's history quote has to do with Van Gogh, who, though not French, lived the influential years of his artistic life in France, painting in the golden Provincial glow.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Duck Creek in Winter
This is right before they fell in the creek, again. Our creek down the street is a source of endless discovery and fun. These are giant sheets of ice that start to form and fall out of the creek; yes, out, during moments of thawing. The kids think they make great slides. I bit all of my nails off watching them!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Gift of Childhood in Today's World
This is the speech I was privileged to hear a few weeks ago. Thank you to Mary O'Connell, who has graciously given her permission to reprint her inspiring words here.
The Gift of Childhood in Today’s World
Prairie Hill Waldorf School Community Education Conference
March 21, 2009
Mary O’Connell, LifeWays
www.lifeways-center.org
I recently had the opportunity to work with a couple hundred early childhood professionals who are employed by nationally accredited, well-respected childcare centers.
I spent the better part of a day with these teachers, who represented classrooms of children from age 6 weeks to 5 years.
As the day went on, and I was able to talk to and work with these teachers, several “pictures” began to emerge of their work with children. These were images of:
institutionalized care
• large group sizes with ever-changing caregivers—in many of their programs, children would change classrooms and teachers up to 9 times before first grade, as they aged. This doesn’t take into account turnover of teachers, which is traditionally quite high in U.S. childcare centers
a hesitancy among many caregivers to develop attachments to the children, because the children were moved around so much, the caregivers were afraid it might actually harm the children to get too close to one adult
an aversion – no, a fear, really – of touching the children due to a risk of parents misunderstanding and resulting lawsuits
one caregiver shared with me that she is afraid the children growing up in U.S. childcare centers are experiencing a childhood that is “sterile” (and I don’t think she was talking about freedom from germs!)
I don’t want to leave you with a negative impression of these 200 teachers. The majority of them were sharp, educated and were passionate about their work.
It’s just that the world they inhabit is so unlike my own world of work with young children at LifeWays. In fact, compared to my own childhood (and, most likely, the childhood of most of you, I would guess) it’s almost unrecognizable.
If I had to use one word to describe the impressions I got that day, it would be Orwellian. Have you read George Orwell’s 1984? For those of you who haven’t, it is a novel written in the 1940’s about what life might be like in the future. It’s a world where people’s thoughts and actions are controlled by Big Brother (the government). One way that Big Brother achieves this mind control is that children are raised away from their families in laboratories, by Big Brother. It’s cold. Sterile. The children are taught --hypnotized --by images on screens and through audio recordings. (Hmmm……sound familiar?)
This picture of “institutionalized childhood” is in direct conflict with the picture that Rudolf Steiner gives us about the needs of the young child, which is an atmosphere of love and warmth. When he visited the classes of the first Waldorf school, he often asked the children, “Do you love your teacher?” I wonder how the children in these modern early childhood programs would answer that question?
I think my recent experience with these childcare providers was just a glimpse…. A microcosm…. of our current culture, a culture that has more drastically re-defined childhood than any other before it.
So what are the ways in which childhood has changed from the time when we were children?
The Ways in which Children Spend Their Time are Changing
Children of all ages are spending far less time in play. You’ve probably heard that already. Many people think, “How can that be? Don’t they play all the time? They play soccer, they play the violin, they play video games…”
How do we define play? Luckily, there has been a lot of research done on play recently. This is often the case when something is becoming extinct. So let’s look at how the experts who study play define it:
it must be repetitive (in studies, if a research subject does something just one time and doesn’t repeat it, it is not considered play)
it must be voluntarily initiated (if an adult told you to do it…it’s not play.)
it has no pre-determined rules
it has no clear goal. (It exists for no purpose other than because it’s fun)
These constructs support what Steiner had to say about play:
What is gained through play, through everything that cannot be determined by fixed rules, stems fundamentally from the self-activity of the child. The real educational value of play lives in the fact that we ignore our rules and regulations, our educational theories, and allow the child free rein.
If you take out all the activities that today’s children do that don’t meet the above criteria, the average child has very little time for imaginative and rambunctious cavorting. They spend much of their time in adult-directed activities, or in front of screens. In fact, the American child consumes the world of video games, Internet, and television for an average of 4-5 hours per day.
So, why should we care? What are the benefits of play?
• There are scores of studies that prove the value of play. I won’t bore you with the details, but to summarize, play:
improves a child’s social skills
strengthens a child’s creativity
improves mental functioning
is a primary predictor of a child’s success in school
Play serves as a training ground for the unexpected. It helps foster flexible thinking, Thinking outside the box, if you will.
People often say, “Why don’t they have computers in Waldorf schools? That’s so important in today’s day and age.” The world in 20 years will be such a different place. Education in today’s technology will be worthless. Adults will need to be flexible thinkers…problem solvers…work well with others. I can’t think of a better training ground for these skills than play.
We know that a child approaches play in an entirely individual way, out of the unique combination of his soul and spirit and his experiences of the world in which he lives. The manner in which a child plays offers us a glimpse of how he’ll take up his destiny as an adult. Waldorf schools and LifeWays centers VALUE play. It’s consciously built into the children’s day, and is not an afterthought.
In what other way has childhood changed from the time when you and I were kids to today?
There have been Changes in the Notion of “Protection” of Children
In many ways, this generation of children is more protected than any other before it.
• We are very focused on protecting our children from strangers
Remember the 4-5 hours/day children watch TV, use the Internet and play video games?
Contrast that with 4-5 minutes/day—the average amount of time American children spend in unstructured play outdoors.
We can say that’s probably the case because adults don’t spend much time outdoors today either; but, you know what? They didn’t when I was a kid. My parents were always quite busy at home and at work. The difference is that our parents sent us outside to play. That’s almost unheard of now, because we feel it isn’t safe out there.
People say, “Oh, it’s such a different world out there.” We feel that there are predators lurking around every corner, ready to abduct our kids. Today’s definition of a “good” parent is one who never lets her children out of her sight (or the sight of another vigilant adult).
But the risk of a child being abducted by a stranger today is one in a million. It’s actually decreased! The media attention surrounding missing children is so intense that it makes us think that the risk is greater than ever before.
This, of course, means that children are spending less time in nature. Ask any adult over 30 about their experiences in nature as a child, and they will be able to share vivid memories. Nature enlivens the senses. If I asked you to recall an experience of nature from your childhood, you can probably remember vividly how it smelled, what it looked like, the sounds you heard. Passionate memories of a childhood spent in nature are nearly universal…except for younger people.
Nature introduces children to small, calculated risks, like jumping across a creek on rocks or climbing trees. This is a very different experience from a playground, which is designed for safety. Nature isn’t engineered with “perfect proportions” and “limited liability” in mind. In nature, children learn how to solve problems, they learn their limitations and their strengths. Without this experience, children are at risk of engaging in unhealthy risk-taking as they get older.
Time spent in nature is especially important for adolescents. It is often the setting which brings out the ability to play again as they did when they were young children.
• We are very good at protecting children from germs
I was at a large discount store recently, and saw some children’s dishes that were actually embedded with antimicrobial agents designed to kill bacteria. Bottles of clear hand sanitizer are everywhere, it’s hard to find soap that isn’t antibacterial, antibiotic use is soaring. We’ve become the most germophobic (my own word) generation of parents yet.
• We have become quite accomplished at protecting our children from struggle
Beginning with the smallest infants, we have all sorts of contraptions to prop them up before they are ready to come into the upright on their own because we don’t like to see them struggle and cry as they learn to roll over, sit up and learn to walk.
We give our children all kinds of things they don’t need because we don’t want them to feel disappointment.
Today’s children are expected to do far less around the house in terms of chores, because we want them to have plenty of time for their enriching activities. We protect our children from boredom. The problem with this is that boredom is what breeds true creativity.
In many ways, this is the most protected, coddled generation of children yet.
But are they really protected? There are some areas in which our children are more vulnerable than ever before.
• Too many children are not protected from the media. This alone is robbing our children of their childhood perhaps more than anything else. Media is so pervasive, we often don’t even realize its hold on all of us. Today’s children are more media literate than we are, especially our older children and teens.
We don’t understand their world of instant messaging, video games and texting. The use of technology has spawned a whole new language we can’t even follow, OMG! IDK and PAW (parents are watching).
Many of our young people can’t imagine their life without their constant technology “fix”. I have the good fortune to be a small group leader for the high school religious education program at my church. We were recently preparing for our freshman retreat, and I was explaining to the kids the rule against electronics on retreat…no I Pods, cell phones, video games, etc. Two girls were devastated that they couldn’t bring their cell phones, because they didn’t think they could live without texting for 24 hours. (They ended up surviving quite well, thank you!)
Besides the fact that this media-gap causes a generation gap with our kids, it’s creating an interpersonal vacuum that is scary. It’s too soon to tell what the lasting effects will be on our children, the first generation to grow up surrounded by this level of technology. But one thing we know for certain right now…it’s dangerous.
A child who is allowed to freely surf the internet has a 1 in 5 chance of coming into contact with a predator. Compare that to the 1 in a million chance of them being abducted while they’re playing outside, and I think you’ll agree we’ve lost some healthy perspective on what’s a safe activity for our kids to be engaged in.
• Childhood itself is not being protected very well in our society. The media certainly contributes to this. The world of adult activities, global crises, distorted body images and sexualized fashions has invaded our children’s world at younger and younger ages.
Adult anxieties and fears have also infected our children. Since 9/11 there has been a generalized fear that has only intensified with the recent economic crisis. Our children feel this. It is estimated that 1 in 5 American children are suffering from anxiety disorders severe enough to warrant medication.
I think this is the case not just because they are picking up on our worries. We don’t really, as a society, strive to keep our children innocent anymore. To protect them from big, scary images or adult concepts. There is a general inclination to push them ahead, get them prepared, as if childhood itself isn’t a valid time unto itself—our society views childhood merely as preparation for adulthood. The sooner they “get the picture” the better.
Steiner spoke of the need to offer protection for the Forces of Childhood. Waldorf education (including LifeWays) offers this protection of a sacred time in life. It’s the only model of education that I know of that does this so well, with such intention. It’s a model that helps our children see the world as a safe and beautiful place to grow up. Who can then engage that world with joy and hope and wonder instead of with fear and cynicism.
“Perceive the Child in Reverence, Educate the Child in Love, Let the Child Go in Freedom”
Letting the child go in freedom…that’s our task, as parents, as teachers, as caregivers.
It’s a huge task.
Looking at all of the forces that have begun to work against childhood, one can begin to see that we, as parents and educators, have to bring a heightened level of consciousness to raising children in today’s world in order to send forth fully free human beings.
Human beings who are free to be in real and meaningful relationships with other human beings.
Human beings who are free to develop their own thoughts and opinions, and translate those thoughts into actions that reflect their values and ideals.
Human beings who can think creatively and engage the world with flexibility.
As children grow into adults, a lack of freedom in thinking allows other people to control their thoughts for them. In today’s world, we don’t need to look very far to find teenagers and adults whose thoughts and actions are controlled by outside forces because they somehow lack the freedom to follow a different path.
It’s enough to make you wonder if Orwell’s futuristic world of mind control is all that far off.
I firmly believe that we are the lucky ones….we’ve discovered the antidote. An education that values the gift of childhood.
The Gift of Childhood in Today’s World
Prairie Hill Waldorf School Community Education Conference
March 21, 2009
Mary O’Connell, LifeWays
www.lifeways-center.org
I recently had the opportunity to work with a couple hundred early childhood professionals who are employed by nationally accredited, well-respected childcare centers.
I spent the better part of a day with these teachers, who represented classrooms of children from age 6 weeks to 5 years.
As the day went on, and I was able to talk to and work with these teachers, several “pictures” began to emerge of their work with children. These were images of:
institutionalized care
• large group sizes with ever-changing caregivers—in many of their programs, children would change classrooms and teachers up to 9 times before first grade, as they aged. This doesn’t take into account turnover of teachers, which is traditionally quite high in U.S. childcare centers
a hesitancy among many caregivers to develop attachments to the children, because the children were moved around so much, the caregivers were afraid it might actually harm the children to get too close to one adult
an aversion – no, a fear, really – of touching the children due to a risk of parents misunderstanding and resulting lawsuits
one caregiver shared with me that she is afraid the children growing up in U.S. childcare centers are experiencing a childhood that is “sterile” (and I don’t think she was talking about freedom from germs!)
I don’t want to leave you with a negative impression of these 200 teachers. The majority of them were sharp, educated and were passionate about their work.
It’s just that the world they inhabit is so unlike my own world of work with young children at LifeWays. In fact, compared to my own childhood (and, most likely, the childhood of most of you, I would guess) it’s almost unrecognizable.
If I had to use one word to describe the impressions I got that day, it would be Orwellian. Have you read George Orwell’s 1984? For those of you who haven’t, it is a novel written in the 1940’s about what life might be like in the future. It’s a world where people’s thoughts and actions are controlled by Big Brother (the government). One way that Big Brother achieves this mind control is that children are raised away from their families in laboratories, by Big Brother. It’s cold. Sterile. The children are taught --hypnotized --by images on screens and through audio recordings. (Hmmm……sound familiar?)
This picture of “institutionalized childhood” is in direct conflict with the picture that Rudolf Steiner gives us about the needs of the young child, which is an atmosphere of love and warmth. When he visited the classes of the first Waldorf school, he often asked the children, “Do you love your teacher?” I wonder how the children in these modern early childhood programs would answer that question?
I think my recent experience with these childcare providers was just a glimpse…. A microcosm…. of our current culture, a culture that has more drastically re-defined childhood than any other before it.
So what are the ways in which childhood has changed from the time when we were children?
The Ways in which Children Spend Their Time are Changing
Children of all ages are spending far less time in play. You’ve probably heard that already. Many people think, “How can that be? Don’t they play all the time? They play soccer, they play the violin, they play video games…”
How do we define play? Luckily, there has been a lot of research done on play recently. This is often the case when something is becoming extinct. So let’s look at how the experts who study play define it:
it must be repetitive (in studies, if a research subject does something just one time and doesn’t repeat it, it is not considered play)
it must be voluntarily initiated (if an adult told you to do it…it’s not play.)
it has no pre-determined rules
it has no clear goal. (It exists for no purpose other than because it’s fun)
These constructs support what Steiner had to say about play:
What is gained through play, through everything that cannot be determined by fixed rules, stems fundamentally from the self-activity of the child. The real educational value of play lives in the fact that we ignore our rules and regulations, our educational theories, and allow the child free rein.
If you take out all the activities that today’s children do that don’t meet the above criteria, the average child has very little time for imaginative and rambunctious cavorting. They spend much of their time in adult-directed activities, or in front of screens. In fact, the American child consumes the world of video games, Internet, and television for an average of 4-5 hours per day.
So, why should we care? What are the benefits of play?
• There are scores of studies that prove the value of play. I won’t bore you with the details, but to summarize, play:
improves a child’s social skills
strengthens a child’s creativity
improves mental functioning
is a primary predictor of a child’s success in school
Play serves as a training ground for the unexpected. It helps foster flexible thinking, Thinking outside the box, if you will.
People often say, “Why don’t they have computers in Waldorf schools? That’s so important in today’s day and age.” The world in 20 years will be such a different place. Education in today’s technology will be worthless. Adults will need to be flexible thinkers…problem solvers…work well with others. I can’t think of a better training ground for these skills than play.
We know that a child approaches play in an entirely individual way, out of the unique combination of his soul and spirit and his experiences of the world in which he lives. The manner in which a child plays offers us a glimpse of how he’ll take up his destiny as an adult. Waldorf schools and LifeWays centers VALUE play. It’s consciously built into the children’s day, and is not an afterthought.
In what other way has childhood changed from the time when you and I were kids to today?
There have been Changes in the Notion of “Protection” of Children
In many ways, this generation of children is more protected than any other before it.
• We are very focused on protecting our children from strangers
Remember the 4-5 hours/day children watch TV, use the Internet and play video games?
Contrast that with 4-5 minutes/day—the average amount of time American children spend in unstructured play outdoors.
We can say that’s probably the case because adults don’t spend much time outdoors today either; but, you know what? They didn’t when I was a kid. My parents were always quite busy at home and at work. The difference is that our parents sent us outside to play. That’s almost unheard of now, because we feel it isn’t safe out there.
People say, “Oh, it’s such a different world out there.” We feel that there are predators lurking around every corner, ready to abduct our kids. Today’s definition of a “good” parent is one who never lets her children out of her sight (or the sight of another vigilant adult).
But the risk of a child being abducted by a stranger today is one in a million. It’s actually decreased! The media attention surrounding missing children is so intense that it makes us think that the risk is greater than ever before.
This, of course, means that children are spending less time in nature. Ask any adult over 30 about their experiences in nature as a child, and they will be able to share vivid memories. Nature enlivens the senses. If I asked you to recall an experience of nature from your childhood, you can probably remember vividly how it smelled, what it looked like, the sounds you heard. Passionate memories of a childhood spent in nature are nearly universal…except for younger people.
Nature introduces children to small, calculated risks, like jumping across a creek on rocks or climbing trees. This is a very different experience from a playground, which is designed for safety. Nature isn’t engineered with “perfect proportions” and “limited liability” in mind. In nature, children learn how to solve problems, they learn their limitations and their strengths. Without this experience, children are at risk of engaging in unhealthy risk-taking as they get older.
Time spent in nature is especially important for adolescents. It is often the setting which brings out the ability to play again as they did when they were young children.
• We are very good at protecting children from germs
I was at a large discount store recently, and saw some children’s dishes that were actually embedded with antimicrobial agents designed to kill bacteria. Bottles of clear hand sanitizer are everywhere, it’s hard to find soap that isn’t antibacterial, antibiotic use is soaring. We’ve become the most germophobic (my own word) generation of parents yet.
• We have become quite accomplished at protecting our children from struggle
Beginning with the smallest infants, we have all sorts of contraptions to prop them up before they are ready to come into the upright on their own because we don’t like to see them struggle and cry as they learn to roll over, sit up and learn to walk.
We give our children all kinds of things they don’t need because we don’t want them to feel disappointment.
Today’s children are expected to do far less around the house in terms of chores, because we want them to have plenty of time for their enriching activities. We protect our children from boredom. The problem with this is that boredom is what breeds true creativity.
In many ways, this is the most protected, coddled generation of children yet.
But are they really protected? There are some areas in which our children are more vulnerable than ever before.
• Too many children are not protected from the media. This alone is robbing our children of their childhood perhaps more than anything else. Media is so pervasive, we often don’t even realize its hold on all of us. Today’s children are more media literate than we are, especially our older children and teens.
We don’t understand their world of instant messaging, video games and texting. The use of technology has spawned a whole new language we can’t even follow, OMG! IDK and PAW (parents are watching).
Many of our young people can’t imagine their life without their constant technology “fix”. I have the good fortune to be a small group leader for the high school religious education program at my church. We were recently preparing for our freshman retreat, and I was explaining to the kids the rule against electronics on retreat…no I Pods, cell phones, video games, etc. Two girls were devastated that they couldn’t bring their cell phones, because they didn’t think they could live without texting for 24 hours. (They ended up surviving quite well, thank you!)
Besides the fact that this media-gap causes a generation gap with our kids, it’s creating an interpersonal vacuum that is scary. It’s too soon to tell what the lasting effects will be on our children, the first generation to grow up surrounded by this level of technology. But one thing we know for certain right now…it’s dangerous.
A child who is allowed to freely surf the internet has a 1 in 5 chance of coming into contact with a predator. Compare that to the 1 in a million chance of them being abducted while they’re playing outside, and I think you’ll agree we’ve lost some healthy perspective on what’s a safe activity for our kids to be engaged in.
• Childhood itself is not being protected very well in our society. The media certainly contributes to this. The world of adult activities, global crises, distorted body images and sexualized fashions has invaded our children’s world at younger and younger ages.
Adult anxieties and fears have also infected our children. Since 9/11 there has been a generalized fear that has only intensified with the recent economic crisis. Our children feel this. It is estimated that 1 in 5 American children are suffering from anxiety disorders severe enough to warrant medication.
I think this is the case not just because they are picking up on our worries. We don’t really, as a society, strive to keep our children innocent anymore. To protect them from big, scary images or adult concepts. There is a general inclination to push them ahead, get them prepared, as if childhood itself isn’t a valid time unto itself—our society views childhood merely as preparation for adulthood. The sooner they “get the picture” the better.
Steiner spoke of the need to offer protection for the Forces of Childhood. Waldorf education (including LifeWays) offers this protection of a sacred time in life. It’s the only model of education that I know of that does this so well, with such intention. It’s a model that helps our children see the world as a safe and beautiful place to grow up. Who can then engage that world with joy and hope and wonder instead of with fear and cynicism.
“Perceive the Child in Reverence, Educate the Child in Love, Let the Child Go in Freedom”
Letting the child go in freedom…that’s our task, as parents, as teachers, as caregivers.
It’s a huge task.
Looking at all of the forces that have begun to work against childhood, one can begin to see that we, as parents and educators, have to bring a heightened level of consciousness to raising children in today’s world in order to send forth fully free human beings.
Human beings who are free to be in real and meaningful relationships with other human beings.
Human beings who are free to develop their own thoughts and opinions, and translate those thoughts into actions that reflect their values and ideals.
Human beings who can think creatively and engage the world with flexibility.
As children grow into adults, a lack of freedom in thinking allows other people to control their thoughts for them. In today’s world, we don’t need to look very far to find teenagers and adults whose thoughts and actions are controlled by outside forces because they somehow lack the freedom to follow a different path.
It’s enough to make you wonder if Orwell’s futuristic world of mind control is all that far off.
I firmly believe that we are the lucky ones….we’ve discovered the antidote. An education that values the gift of childhood.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Adventures Begin
So in the spirit of our new-found freedom, when the boys told me they were going on an adventure around the world and would not be home for weeks, I didn't bat an eye. I asked if they had sufficient provisions. My ten-year-old assured me he had packed enough food for them both, along with maps, weapons and water, and they were off. It was only about 40 degrees, but they didn't come home for an hour, and only then to let me know they were about to cross into China and would be back later.
Years later (another hour) they were home, frozen but happy. They had so many tales of fabulous travels in foreign realms, taking airplanes alone, fighting fierce dragons and being knighted by grateful queens that it took them two days to tell us all about it.
When my daughter took her bike to her babysitting job, I did not hand her the cell-phone and a million recommendations, I just said "see ya' later honey!"
I am definitely learning more than they are.
Years later (another hour) they were home, frozen but happy. They had so many tales of fabulous travels in foreign realms, taking airplanes alone, fighting fierce dragons and being knighted by grateful queens that it took them two days to tell us all about it.
When my daughter took her bike to her babysitting job, I did not hand her the cell-phone and a million recommendations, I just said "see ya' later honey!"
I am definitely learning more than they are.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
FREEDOM; from Mom and Dad?!
Have you ever been swept off your parenting feet onto your "sitting down part" by someone's words in a way that can change your life? This happened to me listening to the keynote address a week or so ago at a Waldorf conference in Milwaukee.
Mary O'Connell was the speaker. She is the director of Lifeways, a childcare center associated with Waldorf. She spoke of the importance of play in a compelling and informative way. The necessity for play both in early childhood and later. The definition of play; free, unstructured time without adult guidance, inventive and repetitive. How to foster it if it has gone by the wayside in your home. That much I got. We are a low-media family and free, imaginative play takes up a good deal of our day every day.
The following information is what made me really stop and think. Outside play. Who plays outside anymore? "Mine do," I am smugly thinking. "We make it a point to go outside every day, always get a walk in, the kids play in the backyard all the time. We spend time together in nature. We are members and true believers of "No Child Left Inside." ...That is not all there is to it, friends. What liberty do they have to go anywhere besides the backyard? What other people do they have contact with when I am not around. NONE, thank you very much, all those potential preyers upon of children out there. The world is a different place than it used to be. Even older generations agree with that, shaking their heads in regret. Yes, we finally gave them permission to bike around the neighborhood last year, at 10 and 11 years old, but I gave them my cell-phone and many instructions, so many they did not repeat the experience often.
Deep down, it has been bothering me for some time. After all, where would our child heroes be without the freedom to get into trouble and find a way out of it without an adult coming to the rescue? Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, Alice in Wonderland and...Harry Potter, battling evil itself and coming out on top.
So when I heard words describing the very thoughts and fears with which I have always justified my policy of protection; "We are worried that if we did not do all we could to protect them and something did happen, it would be our fault." I was stunned. Yes! That has always been the fear, but it is the terror of a whole generation. We live in a society so free of "real" problems that; 1) we believe we can and are obliged to control our kids' environment and 2) the media, having no better scary stories to tell, makes sensational each and every instance of a stranger approaching a child on their way home from school. I am the number one apostle of this creed, by the way.
Mary advocated the need to find yourself in a dangerous or at least uncomfortable situation and to find a way out of it. She emphasized the importance of practice with these minor situations as training for larger ones later in life. The statistics she provided were equally astounding: A child has a one in a million chance of being abducted by a stranger. A child has a one in five chance of being victim to a online predator. Would you like to see that in numeric form? 1/1,000,000 vs. 1/5. I have paraphrased her words, but not the numbers and hopefully not her intentions. I hope to have a link to her speech for you later in the week.
So enjoy a cup of tea and some quiet while your kids get in a little trouble today!
Mary O'Connell was the speaker. She is the director of Lifeways, a childcare center associated with Waldorf. She spoke of the importance of play in a compelling and informative way. The necessity for play both in early childhood and later. The definition of play; free, unstructured time without adult guidance, inventive and repetitive. How to foster it if it has gone by the wayside in your home. That much I got. We are a low-media family and free, imaginative play takes up a good deal of our day every day.
The following information is what made me really stop and think. Outside play. Who plays outside anymore? "Mine do," I am smugly thinking. "We make it a point to go outside every day, always get a walk in, the kids play in the backyard all the time. We spend time together in nature. We are members and true believers of "No Child Left Inside." ...That is not all there is to it, friends. What liberty do they have to go anywhere besides the backyard? What other people do they have contact with when I am not around. NONE, thank you very much, all those potential preyers upon of children out there. The world is a different place than it used to be. Even older generations agree with that, shaking their heads in regret. Yes, we finally gave them permission to bike around the neighborhood last year, at 10 and 11 years old, but I gave them my cell-phone and many instructions, so many they did not repeat the experience often.
Deep down, it has been bothering me for some time. After all, where would our child heroes be without the freedom to get into trouble and find a way out of it without an adult coming to the rescue? Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, Alice in Wonderland and...Harry Potter, battling evil itself and coming out on top.
So when I heard words describing the very thoughts and fears with which I have always justified my policy of protection; "We are worried that if we did not do all we could to protect them and something did happen, it would be our fault." I was stunned. Yes! That has always been the fear, but it is the terror of a whole generation. We live in a society so free of "real" problems that; 1) we believe we can and are obliged to control our kids' environment and 2) the media, having no better scary stories to tell, makes sensational each and every instance of a stranger approaching a child on their way home from school. I am the number one apostle of this creed, by the way.
Mary advocated the need to find yourself in a dangerous or at least uncomfortable situation and to find a way out of it. She emphasized the importance of practice with these minor situations as training for larger ones later in life. The statistics she provided were equally astounding: A child has a one in a million chance of being abducted by a stranger. A child has a one in five chance of being victim to a online predator. Would you like to see that in numeric form? 1/1,000,000 vs. 1/5. I have paraphrased her words, but not the numbers and hopefully not her intentions. I hope to have a link to her speech for you later in the week.
So enjoy a cup of tea and some quiet while your kids get in a little trouble today!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thinking of You
This morning I feel called to take this blog beyond our immediate world of cozy home and daily concerns, real and valid, but manageable.
A story, one of too many, caught my eye this weekend. A mother of five told by soldiers to flee her home now, as an invading army was advancing to evacuate the area of its citizens. In her panic, she raced through the streets, with her five children, in the wrong direction and more soldiers opened fire at them. She was wounded and her two year old baby daughter killed. A daughter who, as a mother, I could feel, she loved more than life itself. A tiny, sweet little person she bathed and cuddled and giggled with. A little girl she held close when the bombs were echoing at night, reassuring her that no harm would come to her while mama was around to protect her.
It doesn't matter much what country this was in or which side it was that shot at this family. What matters is that it is true and that it is happening every single day all over the world. What matters is that we become aware of the impact of warfare and strive to make the world a more peaceful and loving place. We can come together to help those victims trying to piece their lives back together again.
Peace to you, my sisters far away, my sympathy for your loss and pain. I will do my best today to create peace, beginning with myself, my own home and my own children. I invite my readers to take up the challenge to do the same.
How about a read-along? We will be beginning Greg Mortenson's "Three Cups of Tea" next week. This is the story of how one man dreamed, schemed, saved and worked his tail off to build schools for girls where none existed, deep in the mountains in Pakistan. Join me, if you'd like, in a read-along, with your children or alone. It is a book to open minds to the good one person can do in the world. And I just read that Greg has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for Peace. A fitting example for those wishing to make the world a better place.
P.S. I have just been told that there are two versions of this book; one for the younger crowd, called "Three Cups of Tea, Changing the World One Child at a Time," and the original version. I plan on reading the original version to mine starting a week from today, but if you have primarily young children, or want a shorter read, the other one might be a nice option. Widely available at libraries all over the U.S.
A story, one of too many, caught my eye this weekend. A mother of five told by soldiers to flee her home now, as an invading army was advancing to evacuate the area of its citizens. In her panic, she raced through the streets, with her five children, in the wrong direction and more soldiers opened fire at them. She was wounded and her two year old baby daughter killed. A daughter who, as a mother, I could feel, she loved more than life itself. A tiny, sweet little person she bathed and cuddled and giggled with. A little girl she held close when the bombs were echoing at night, reassuring her that no harm would come to her while mama was around to protect her.
It doesn't matter much what country this was in or which side it was that shot at this family. What matters is that it is true and that it is happening every single day all over the world. What matters is that we become aware of the impact of warfare and strive to make the world a more peaceful and loving place. We can come together to help those victims trying to piece their lives back together again.
Peace to you, my sisters far away, my sympathy for your loss and pain. I will do my best today to create peace, beginning with myself, my own home and my own children. I invite my readers to take up the challenge to do the same.
How about a read-along? We will be beginning Greg Mortenson's "Three Cups of Tea" next week. This is the story of how one man dreamed, schemed, saved and worked his tail off to build schools for girls where none existed, deep in the mountains in Pakistan. Join me, if you'd like, in a read-along, with your children or alone. It is a book to open minds to the good one person can do in the world. And I just read that Greg has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for Peace. A fitting example for those wishing to make the world a better place.
P.S. I have just been told that there are two versions of this book; one for the younger crowd, called "Three Cups of Tea, Changing the World One Child at a Time," and the original version. I plan on reading the original version to mine starting a week from today, but if you have primarily young children, or want a shorter read, the other one might be a nice option. Widely available at libraries all over the U.S.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Late Readers
So, the question begs, if they are not reading in "school" what are they doing? Nothing important, to an adult. The children's days are filled with things like playing outside in all kinds of weather (NOTHING can discourage them from going outside.) They paint whenever they want, it has become an activity that can happen every day, rather than the big production I used to believe it had to be. They become knights and dogs and Eskimos. They form skating clubs, spy clubs or build forts in the basement. They jump rope, make candles, knit, memorize poems, chop potatoes, bake bread, play the recorder. I read to them, a lot. Sometimes we read for hours, some days it may only be an hour, but there is always a story to encourage their imagination, broaden their horizons and entertain them enough that they develop their own, unforced, love of reading.
We do have a rhythm (or schedule, if you prefer) to our day. They know what to expect in the morning, they know lunch will be served around noon, followed by rest and play time in the afternoon, and dinner in the evening. This makes it easier on everyone, and there is much flexibility within the rhythm.
This week we are on "spring vacation," and it is a lovely week to have chosen! It was in the 70's here yesterday, so we spent most of the day outside. I prepared my square-foot garden beds and planted peas. The little ones alternately came to help dig and left to play with the older ones in the far end of the yard, out of ear-shot of mama. Rhythm extends to yearly rituals that follow the seasons; spring is equated with planting and observing the new growth beginning, mud and all its joys, (reading sort of pales when side by side with mud) and the mud giving way to grass again (can't come soon enough!)
Happy Spring to you and yours!
We do have a rhythm (or schedule, if you prefer) to our day. They know what to expect in the morning, they know lunch will be served around noon, followed by rest and play time in the afternoon, and dinner in the evening. This makes it easier on everyone, and there is much flexibility within the rhythm.
This week we are on "spring vacation," and it is a lovely week to have chosen! It was in the 70's here yesterday, so we spent most of the day outside. I prepared my square-foot garden beds and planted peas. The little ones alternately came to help dig and left to play with the older ones in the far end of the yard, out of ear-shot of mama. Rhythm extends to yearly rituals that follow the seasons; spring is equated with planting and observing the new growth beginning, mud and all its joys, (reading sort of pales when side by side with mud) and the mud giving way to grass again (can't come soon enough!)
Happy Spring to you and yours!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Gardening, Sailing and Sugar
Garden dreaming, anyone? It's March, and in our house we have been dreaming of this year's garden since January. The unfair part is that last week, with temperatures in the 50s and 60s, we still were unable to plant anything as the ground was still frozen hard. Life in the Midwest does teach patience and perseverance. (I try to remember this when they are all complaining about missing the ocean and I am trying not to agree with them.) My daughter has been cultivating seedlings in her sunny bedroom since Christmas, when they each were given a baby Christmas tree in a pot. She began tomatoes, herbs and sunflowers shortly after that. They are doing very well, almost as nicely as mine which I started three days ago and are still in the dirt stage.
We did not make the cut for the island reef job. After a little disappointment, we were able to move on to our next project(s); camping and taking sailing lessons this summer and making the best square foot garden ever. We are wondering whether to add to our raised bed dirt that has sunk over the last three years, or dig up the weed cloth underneath and allow the roots to go deeper. Any advice from those who have tried the raised bed/weedcloth below option? It has been lovely having no weeds for the past few years, but nothing is thriving like it did before. I wonder if there is enough depth for proper root structure. Then again, my tomato plants did almost nothing last year either, and they were in the ground.
To help while away the time until I can dig and plant, I am reading Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" a must-read I kept forgetting to read, but will now harp upon until everyone I know has read it. There are so many pages I could quote from it that I can hardly choose, but it is the book of the moment, meeting the needs of our food-impoverished society as things stand now in the U.S. Go find it at the library, buy it, borrow it, read it, your life will be richer, the world will be a better place.
Along with food-consciousness has come sugar awareness, back again from the drawer I had stuffed its ugly self into. It really was time to bring it back out. Girl Scout cookie week notwithstanding, (rather hypocritical of me, since we've eaten all of the thin mints), this stuff is bad for me. I had three excellent reminders of just how bad over the weekend. This is reminder number four, so if three times is a charm, four will be a promise not to forget. The stuff makes me itch, swells my joints and makes me a grumpier person. "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" was one of my reminders, another was a friend who admitted that she used to yell, but she has not done so for a year now. When I asked her what her secret was, she answered, to my amazement; "no more sugar." Since that came less than half an hour after my research on my own health condition revealed I should cut out all refined sugar (something I already know), it had the impact of an oracle. Gosh am I glad the thin mints are gone!
We did not make the cut for the island reef job. After a little disappointment, we were able to move on to our next project(s); camping and taking sailing lessons this summer and making the best square foot garden ever. We are wondering whether to add to our raised bed dirt that has sunk over the last three years, or dig up the weed cloth underneath and allow the roots to go deeper. Any advice from those who have tried the raised bed/weedcloth below option? It has been lovely having no weeds for the past few years, but nothing is thriving like it did before. I wonder if there is enough depth for proper root structure. Then again, my tomato plants did almost nothing last year either, and they were in the ground.
To help while away the time until I can dig and plant, I am reading Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" a must-read I kept forgetting to read, but will now harp upon until everyone I know has read it. There are so many pages I could quote from it that I can hardly choose, but it is the book of the moment, meeting the needs of our food-impoverished society as things stand now in the U.S. Go find it at the library, buy it, borrow it, read it, your life will be richer, the world will be a better place.
Along with food-consciousness has come sugar awareness, back again from the drawer I had stuffed its ugly self into. It really was time to bring it back out. Girl Scout cookie week notwithstanding, (rather hypocritical of me, since we've eaten all of the thin mints), this stuff is bad for me. I had three excellent reminders of just how bad over the weekend. This is reminder number four, so if three times is a charm, four will be a promise not to forget. The stuff makes me itch, swells my joints and makes me a grumpier person. "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" was one of my reminders, another was a friend who admitted that she used to yell, but she has not done so for a year now. When I asked her what her secret was, she answered, to my amazement; "no more sugar." Since that came less than half an hour after my research on my own health condition revealed I should cut out all refined sugar (something I already know), it had the impact of an oracle. Gosh am I glad the thin mints are gone!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Reading and Children
So, did this all just come about as magically as my last post would lead to believe? Yes and no. My first child was taught to read in kindergarten, true, but she was ready and wanted to learn because she had been read to her whole life and reading was something fun she wanted to be able to do herself. She was also an "older" kindergartner, turning six a couple of months into the school year. She had been in school four days a week since the age of three, and was very much formed by school type discipline and "ready" to learn what was offered.
My second had just turned five when he would have started kindergarten, and he was (and still is) a boy. It was entirely different. It was our first year homeschooling and I was so afraid he would be missing an important part of his existence by not going to kindergarten. I worried that I would fail to teach him something elemental and extraordinary that school would have provided, and he would "be behind" when this whole experiment failed. He was a little boy, and he loved being read to. He would sit for hours at a time listening to me read and playing Legos. He had, however, no interest in learning to read on his own. He was so busy with his world, and content to be read to, and...had I known, completely unready, developmentally, to learn to read or do math, or any of the "school" activities I had in mind for him. We struggled, we cried and we shouted, but, to his credit, he did not once give in and read one of those silly Bob Books that bored him to tears.
When he was good and ready, he began to read to me, books of his choice, at night before going to bed. (He had never liked going to bed either.) He and I read the whole Henry and Mudge collection over one summer, around the time he turned six, way past his bedtime, in his room, in the quiet.
He taught me to wait, he showed me the patience I did not know I possessed. Then I read Steiner, founder of the Waldorf school and his belief, that children should not be made to read until after the age of seven, older for boys. It made sense for me because the rest of this way of life was already our way of doing things. (A life connected to nature, a rhythm to daily, weekly and yearly life that includes baking, painting, music, festivals and reading of fairy tales.) I would not necessarily slow down a younger child who is reading and writing and counting, but there is a great necessity to look at where each child is and meet his needs right there. This is what is comes down to; not imposing our time frame for learning on our children. It is much more important to look at a child as a person with needs as individual as yours are from your next door neighbor's. Imagine that you had to watch the same tv shows and go to the same church and eat the same thing for dinner as they did, just because you were the same age or lived on the same street.
Until very recently (the past week or two perhaps), my seven-year old daughter would complain to every single person who would listen; "I don't know how to read." Then she would proceed to read something to that person, if they were willing to sit still long enough. What bothers her is not not knowing how to read, but not being as proficient as her siblings just yet. In a house full of readers, it really bothers her not to be counted among them. She is so full of the desire to learn that I will never need to needle and wheedle her into lessons. She just wants to be like everyone else.
And I am confident she never will be, but she will be reading just as well!
*Other proponents of "late academics": Raymond and Dorothy Moore, authors of "Better Late than Early," David Elkind, author of; "The Hurried Child," and "Miseducation, Preschoolers at Risk," who advocates the importance of play for children over early intellectualization.
My second had just turned five when he would have started kindergarten, and he was (and still is) a boy. It was entirely different. It was our first year homeschooling and I was so afraid he would be missing an important part of his existence by not going to kindergarten. I worried that I would fail to teach him something elemental and extraordinary that school would have provided, and he would "be behind" when this whole experiment failed. He was a little boy, and he loved being read to. He would sit for hours at a time listening to me read and playing Legos. He had, however, no interest in learning to read on his own. He was so busy with his world, and content to be read to, and...had I known, completely unready, developmentally, to learn to read or do math, or any of the "school" activities I had in mind for him. We struggled, we cried and we shouted, but, to his credit, he did not once give in and read one of those silly Bob Books that bored him to tears.
When he was good and ready, he began to read to me, books of his choice, at night before going to bed. (He had never liked going to bed either.) He and I read the whole Henry and Mudge collection over one summer, around the time he turned six, way past his bedtime, in his room, in the quiet.
He taught me to wait, he showed me the patience I did not know I possessed. Then I read Steiner, founder of the Waldorf school and his belief, that children should not be made to read until after the age of seven, older for boys. It made sense for me because the rest of this way of life was already our way of doing things. (A life connected to nature, a rhythm to daily, weekly and yearly life that includes baking, painting, music, festivals and reading of fairy tales.) I would not necessarily slow down a younger child who is reading and writing and counting, but there is a great necessity to look at where each child is and meet his needs right there. This is what is comes down to; not imposing our time frame for learning on our children. It is much more important to look at a child as a person with needs as individual as yours are from your next door neighbor's. Imagine that you had to watch the same tv shows and go to the same church and eat the same thing for dinner as they did, just because you were the same age or lived on the same street.
Until very recently (the past week or two perhaps), my seven-year old daughter would complain to every single person who would listen; "I don't know how to read." Then she would proceed to read something to that person, if they were willing to sit still long enough. What bothers her is not not knowing how to read, but not being as proficient as her siblings just yet. In a house full of readers, it really bothers her not to be counted among them. She is so full of the desire to learn that I will never need to needle and wheedle her into lessons. She just wants to be like everyone else.
And I am confident she never will be, but she will be reading just as well!
*Other proponents of "late academics": Raymond and Dorothy Moore, authors of "Better Late than Early," David Elkind, author of; "The Hurried Child," and "Miseducation, Preschoolers at Risk," who advocates the importance of play for children over early intellectualization.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Learning to read
"So, how do you teach them to read?"
"I don't."
More tomorrow!
"I don't."
But read they do, non-stop, voraciously, every genre, every media that we allow in the house, to the point of being reprimanded for reading, darn it, put that book away at the table! Turn out the light and quit reading! Just like Mommy.
That's one of the keys; children will imitate the behavior they see modeled. (I wonder where that leaves me with the way they fight, insult and clobber each other half of their waking lives as well?)
The other one, and I did not invent this, Jim Trelease observed it first, is READ TO CHILDREN. Establishing the pleasure connection to the activity of reading is the first and best thing an adult can do to form a life-long love of reading in a child. Once something is established as fun, who doesn't want to return to it again and again. So, read fun books, read informative books, read anything your child is interested in. Read to them what you loved as a child. Read "The Read Aloud Handbook," by Jim Trelease if you are not convinced.
Fill your home with reading material and use it. Leave things you would like kids to read in places you know they like to sit, as though really it was just your own reading material.
I love the Waldorf approach to reading; one letter at a time, with stories and drawings for each letter. It is a beautiful approach, an artistic one, guaranteed to capture a child's imagination. This is Waldorf first grade, around the age of 61/2 or 7. However, it all starts way before then, it begins in infancy, with reading to your baby, then your toddler.
It ideally begins before life begins, with the parents being readers. So, if you are expecting or thinking about starting a family or a grandparent wanting to make a difference in a child's life, become a reader yourself. It will be a gift to yourself, to society and to this child.
More tomorrow!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sailing, sailing...
Yes, it is January in Iowa, and it is so cold that apparently the temperature is not registering on the weather bureau's thermometer; it says "N/A". (OK, so I went to check our outdoor thermometer, the floor boards squeaked from the cold with each step. My thermometer says -29, but I'll bet the wind chill is close to yesterday's -56.)
And we are dreaming of sailing. Sunshine, blue water and wind in our sails... We are planning next summer's trip to the Apostle Islands for a series of classes and some family cruising time. The kids are worked up about everything from bringing the cockatiel along to taking showers on a boat to swimming in Lake Superior.
Only one thing stands in our way of this being a perfect plan; the good Captain Thom Burns of the Northern Breezes Sailing School can only allow six people on board a lesson boat, and there are seven of us! I tried to convince him that mine were so small maybe we could count a couple of them as just one...no deal. He is working hard with us to come up with creative solutions, what a patient man! As of now, I am searching for another family to share the sail, or the school in this case. That way we could take out two boats and not leave baby at Grama's, as per one of the captain's suggestions. The accompanying family may have up to five family members, no more, but less is acceptable. What a quandary. All interested please apply here.
I must also announce that the sailboat messing up my clean suburban lawn look, parked in the front yard, is most definitely for sale. We have outgrown the Catalina 22 with its capacity for sleeping 4-5, and will be chartering larger boats in the future. Someday maybe even in warmer waters!
So, much food for thought today. If you are interested in putting an option on the boat, let me know. It will need to wait a week or two for delivery, as it is frozen solid to the grass in front of the house, but we can make you a great deal!
If you are thinking of sailing lessons this summer, let me know too. Doesn't that sound like a fun way to spend 3 or 4 days?
Bon vent!
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