LAKE SUPERIOR, as told by Lily , age 12

This is the story of our vacation. Before I start though, I am going to give you a summary on Lake Superior, so you get to know more about it.

Lake Superior is the largest freshwater lake in North America, and one of the three largest freshwater lakes in the world. It is also the largest of the great lakes of North America.

Lake Superior has a number of islands on it, but the ones we saw while on vacation are the Apostle Islands, a group of island clustered together in one part of lake superior.

Lake Superior is 160 miles wide, and 350 miles long. Its surface area is 31,820 square miles. Lake Superior is 1,392 feet at its deepest.

On July 30Th, 1985, American immunologist J. Val Klump was on a scientific expedition when he reached the depth of 733 feet in lake Superior.


September 7th, Monday, 2009, Labor Day

Today was the first day of our vacation, and we had to get up at 3:00 am to hit the road for a ten hour drive to lake Superior. We drove for most of the day, stopping three times at gas stations to eat and use the restroom. Finally, after looking at three different campgrounds, we decided on Little Sand Bay. By then it was about 4:00 pm, and we were glad to get out of the car. We went for a swim in the huge and beautiful lake Superior, which was clean, but very cold.Later, we headed out to the nearby town of Bayfield to eat. After getting a pizza and eating it on the beach, we set up our tent and went to bed.




September 8Th, Tuesday, 2009

After a tiring night in the tent, we got up and went for a hike along the beach. We ate lunch, then went back to the beach in swimwear, where we spent seven hours in the cold water. Later, we ate supper and went to bed.

September 9Th, Wednesday,2009

This morning we drove to Bayfield to find a laundry mat, and a grocery store. After doing our laundry and buying food, we went to dairy queen, then back to our campsite. After lunch we went to the beach, but is was to cold today to stay long, so we spent the rest of the afternoon at the campsite, carving with pocket knives. Supper was a nightmare. We had bought dinner in a cup for supper, but it have to be microwaved, so we had cold chicken noodle soup and easy mac, then went to bed.

September 10Th, Thursday, 2009

We spent the morning at the campsite, but ate lunch on the beach. Then we drove around for a while, hoping to rent a canoe, but when we could not find anything, we went to the beach and ate supper there.

September 11Th, Friday, 2009

Today we spent the morning packing and going to the beach, then set off at 12:00 pm to go to lake Pepin, the next stop on our trip. At three we stopped by pizza hut, then went on. At six we got to cobblestone inn and suites for the night. We slept very well there.

September 12Th, Saturday, 2009

After a wonderful breakfast at a hotel, we drove for twenty minutes to the town of Pepin, home and birthplace of pioneer Laura Ingalls Wilder. Today was a sort of fair for Laura days. We stayed until about two, then drove for five hours until we got home. It felt good at home.



That is the story of our vacation, and I am sorry if it was not to well written, as I am new to this kind of thing. I hope you enjoyed it all the same.

Packing up and Heading Out

"If you are going on vacation, give yourself a day to prepare." Advice from a genuinely concerned author, mother of one or two, on how to eliminate stress from a mother's life.

Except that I have five children and I have been "preparing", not packing, mind you, that will take 30 seconds, but just preparing, for two days now, and we leave tomorrow. Somewhere along the line, my husband got the notion that the Apostle Island National Park in the very north of Wisconsin, on Lake Superior, would be the perfect vacation destination. It has been a year or two since that time. And here we go, a ten-hour drive, north, when all reasonable people, birds and animals are heading south for the winter, planning cruises to the Bahamas, jaunts to Hawaii or Florida...we're going north. (Just between us, I LIKE north, but the rest of them want to swim for a week solid, we'll see.)

For weeks now, we've been researching the area, found out there are bears galore, some wolves and wild cats too, waves of up to seventy feet...finally got over all the anxiety and nightmares of little people worried about lions and waves and bears. Recently, we've been reading reviews of campgrounds and randomly calling people in the Bayfield phonebook for their opinion on the local campgrounds.

Ten hours in the car. The possibilities are endless; road alphabet games, story-telling, knitting, books on tape, screaming toddlers...the last time we took a road trip with a two-year old, all of the great books on tape were yanked out of the CD player in a hurry each time he woke up and demanded; "hai-ye had a pah-ty," or "My Hair Had a Party Last Night," by Trout Fishing in America. Would you like me to recite the lyrics? Because I can. Along with "All I want is a Proper Cup of Coffee," the only two songs on the CD he wanted to hear. This time, I have a plan. I offered the three youngest their very own CD walkman. (I can hear my media-free friends right now, my only defense; it's not a DVD player, lol!)They can listen to, from youngest to oldest; "High School Musical 2," "Katie Kazoo," and "Geronimo Stilton," ('cause I heard that story 3379 times last year stuck in traffic around Chicago.) WE can listen to "The Mysterious Benedict Society" and "Gregor the Overlander," and if the older two decide to listen to their play-aways, the remaining adults can pop in "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families," or U-2 or Natalie Merchant or...have a conversation.

Problem number one; finding the walkmans (do we say "walkmen"?) I thought it would be simple; one store would surely do the trick, wouldn't it? Well, the first store was too expensive, so I declined to buy three of the four sets they had, I would find a better deal. Ah, how many hours of our lives do we lose out searching for the better deal?

I tried the next store on my list; cheaper, but zero left in stock. I started to get an icky twinge in my gut. I really hate to shop, unless it's for shoes when I have a real budget. I go home and look up stores online, find a great deal and send hubby, since he is going out to find one of those cool tuner thingy's to connect his ipod to the car stereo. He comes home empty-handed. I call around, no luck, go back to store number one; one left. Who the heck bought three walkmen since yesterday? The nerve! I go pick up the pizzas for dinner, a compromise in our busy day. On the way, I stop by one of the drug stores I had called and who had one left in stock. Victory, there are TWO, in TWO different colors!!! (And at this point, who cares that they were two dollars more than the original three I passed up.)

In the mean time, I have made purchases only camping would permit; I'll spare you the list, but it meant, for convenience sake, my annual pilgrimage to a really big store I never like to set foot in.

We drop the bird off at the boarder's, make arrangements for the plants and the rat and the mail, clean the whole house, rearrange the furniture in one bedroom. Drug store again for what we forgot at the big store. Oh, and go to the library three times to make sure we've returned everything, checked out the audio and paper books we'll want and a third time to sign up for the electronic book system, a very cool option.

Now to squeeze that mountain in the living room into our mini-van...happy vacation to us! We'll be off the grid for a week, no computers are along for the trip, cell-phone batteries will be out by the time we arrive...so don't call us, we'll call you.

Chores...continued, Thank you!

There were so many great responses from you all, that I want to put them in a separate post. Thank you for writing, thank you for your perspectives, your ideas and your respect for different ways of looking at the subject!

Here are the posts, in order, as well as some quotes from email responses.

Lisa Musil, Military Wife, Mom to 9 said...

There are nine of us under the roof--my husband and I, our four birth children, ranging in age from 9 to 2, our grandson, age 2, and our foster daughter (17) and her 1 yo daughter. My husband earns the income and generally tries to clean up after himself. I am the "manager / supervisor". I make sure everything gets done--and I do a fair amount of the day-to-day upkeep. The three older kids take turns doing dishes. They've elected to take those a week at a time--so they have 2 weeks off at a time from dishes. Since I've gone back to school the new plan is that we will tackle the "big" chores together omn the weekends--not sure how this will work yet....

August 28, 2009 6:53 AM

A Homeschool Story said...

Lisa,

Thank you, I appreciate your perspective from a mixed-generation household. I wonder if having "a week off" really helps keep everyone in good cheer. I'll have to think about how that one would work out for us.

Good luck with school!

August 29, 2009 10:01 PM

Amy said...

Hi, Came here from your post on the unschooler yahoo group. Here is my opinion on the excerpt you posted. I think she should have a career in politics b/c she has put a great spin on the topic and almost makes you feel guilty if you were to "force" your child to do chores at the expense of your relationship. But let's look at another situation. What if she got the same reaction when she asked her daughter to brush her teeth? Would she rather just let her daughter's teeth rot out of her head so as not to withdraw from the bank of her good relationship with her? IMHO, it IS putting the child first when they learn to be a responsible member of the family, and by extension, our society. There is a natural power struggle within the parent/child relationship and it sounds like she has decided to let her daughter win. (mother to an almost 3 yo and a 4 1/2 yo)

August 28, 2009 7:30 AM

Amy said...

I wanted to add that I am sorry if I came off harsh on my comment the other day. I have spent the week reading through every post on this blog, www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and it has given me a new perspective on our lifestyles here in America.

August 29, 2009 8:52 AM

A Homeschool Story said...

Hi Amy,

Thank you, your post made me laugh. As someone involved with LLL, politics and churches as well, it has become harder for me to accept a "party line" as a cure-all for everyone's problems.

I hold dearly to ever-improving communication with my children, no buts. However, improving does not mean always winning or losing a debate. Improving means coming to an understanding and then accomplishing what needs to be accomplished, sometimes despite our feelings on the subject. Does this need to cause door-slamming and yelling? The goal is for it all to be done in peace and contentment!

And no, you were not harsh, you were respectfully expressing your doubts.

August 29, 2009 10:10 PM

Amy said...

We have 6 in our famiy: Dad, Mom, 12yo, 9yo, 7yo and 2yo. Dad earns the money that pays for uor house, fun etc. Folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, taking out trash and recycling are all chores that are split among the 3 older kids. 2 yo 'helps.' They also have to pick up toys (usually at some multiple of their age - 12 yo picks up 24, 7yo picks up 14 etc.) I cook, shop, school the kids, load the dishwasher and wash laundry. Yes, there are arguments, but they get rewards - clean dishes, clean clothes and an inch or two on the floor to play. I don't remember my own childhood chorers as damaging my relationship with my parents.

August 28, 2009 7:32 AM

A Homeschool Story said...

Amy 2,

Thank you for posting. I am glad to hear that chores getting done did not damage your relationship with your parents. I did have an email from someone who mentioned great resentment of their parents all through childhood because of work they were expected to contribute to the household.

I like your natural distribution of tasks in a household; Dad working for food, everyone helping to make it all happen. It sounds so logical and irrefutable, as though it would make sense, even to a child.

August 29, 2009 10:13 PM

Email responses:

I read through your blog and have my opinion. I am not a maid. We all make the mess, we all clean it up. I will take the kitchen (although the older girls have to put the dishes away). Then they alternate picking rooms that they want to do. They pick a number and who comes closest gets first choice. Now Emma (5), whose only responsibility used to be straigtening shoes, wants a room too. So she gets one room and the other girls get 2 rooms each. Sometimes they just need to be picked up; other times they need to be dusted and swept. I usually tell the girls after the rooms are chosen if they need additional attention. They also have their daily chores. Hannah has to sort laundry (and occasionally switch loads); Kaity does recycling. They both pick up dog poo and put dishes away.

They can't play outside or do anything fun till homework and chores are done.

My response:

From one no-nonsense woman, who accomplishes great things and has from a very young age, thank you!

I only had two children but was a
single parent who was exhausted every day from working to provide  a
living and maintaining every aspect of the lives of three people.  If my
kids didn't see chores as part of the requirements of everyday living in
our little house, I would be dead!  I could not have provided the
"extras" for them, ones they wanted, such as camping trips, local
outings, discussion times, reading books together, putting on family
plays, making a garden, cooking together.  I would have been doing all
the chores while they....what?  Didn't learn the joy of accomplishing
something.  Children can be taught that chores maintain an environment so
that environment can maintain them and pleasures in life.

We used Family Meetings once a week and amazing things happened. (My 10
year old son took over doing the family laundry for the summer and did it
well!)

My response:

Thank you, also, for the reminder of all the time the children are saving you by helping out, thus improving their own quality of life.


From Melisa Nielson, website; www.alittlegardenflower.com, Waldorf homeschooing consultant:

You know... I do believe that we have to preserve the relationship and I think my take on it is a bit different - feel free to quote me here.

When it comes to a small child, they are learning through imitation, we clean, they clean. When they hit about 9yrs, some children really start resisting. They need a little direction in my opinion - especially with a larger family - say three or more children. I have the chore chart - it is down to the 9s! We had fighting over prayers even so we cut that out by giving each child a day where they are responsible for all the meal prayers. Mom and Dad need to be models too so we are included on the chore chart. The fighting about chores is down to almost none - I don't yell about the chores, I give a reminder in the morning - then the chores are done before play time... period. I wouldn't spend a ton of time fighting about it. I think so many times we worry about hurting feelings or damaging them for life - the real damage comes when we release children on the world that don't know how to do dishes or fold laundry. You don't have to fight about the chores - just remind them firmly - I rarely fight since the chart is done. A simple question is given at breakfast "who has KP today?" The children with KP speak up and I give them any extra thoughts I have about the kitchen, after breakfast it is done. The child on laundry starts the dryer and the timer - when it goes off he/she folds and lets me know they've moved the laundry so I can put in another load. If I am asked "can I go play?" or if a friend shows up at the door - I ask "are your chores caught up?" If the answer is no then they can either let their friend help or they can be quick to do their chores and then go play.

I don't think chores have to be a huge pain - or a life changing fight. Mom has a choice. I totally agree with saving the relationship - but you don't have to lose your house in the process! Both can be accomplished. I say if you are fighting about it then there may be something else at play - are you up on your inner work? it takes two to fight, lol... if one side doesn't then there is no fight.

My response:

Thank you, Melisa, words of wisdom from a smart mother of four.

There is a great quantity of responses from a relaxed homeschooling list that I am part of, thank you all. I am going to request your permission before posting your comments, they will be included soon, I hope! The list: IDEA_2@yahoogroups.com

zamozo said...

We're a family of four - 2 adults, 2 kids (18 & 11)
We don't and never have assigned chores. Hubby and I both work. I don't work full time but we do operate three businesses out of our home and I work away from home 10 - 20 hours per week. My full-time stay-at-home mom friends ask me how I keep my house clean. The key for me has been to maintain a positive and pleasant attitude about cleaning.(We also don't have pets - per everyone's agreement.) Now that my kids are older they frequently ask me how they can help when I'm tidying for company. From time-to-time, I ask politely for their help, even when company isn't coming. They know that they can say, "no" and I won't get upset. I try not to interrupt them when they're involved in something important to them and I usually phrase my request with a flexible timeline such as, "Honey, when you're finished playing that game, would you please gather up the dirty dishes and bring them to the kitchen?" We have no negative bouts over housework and my kids are learning how to do various household tasks (it's not rocket science) and are very responsible members of our family. My 11 yo likes to surprise me sometimes by cleaning and arranging a certain area of the house.

It really does work but it may take awhile to reach a point this cooperative and happy if there's been nagging and coercion in the past.

August 28, 2009 8:05 AM

zamozo said...

I just read some more wise words from Joyce Fetterol. These were on an e-list and she was writing about requiring kids to prepare their own food when they don't want to eat what was fixed for dinner -- different situation but similar emotions and goals:
What you wrote above is very goal oriented, the objective being to
move the child from dependence to independence. Unschooling takes a
less direct route that happens to end up at the same destination. The
mindset of the unschooler is to help them and support them. (Which is
different than a mindset of doing everything for them.) The *side
effect* of that is kids who do more and more for themselves on their
own schedule. (Whole) humans all naturally want to feel competent. If
we step back and give the kids the impression we expect them to be
independent, it can make them more dependent. It can feel like a
withdrawal of love.

August 28, 2009 8:32 AM

A Homeschool Story said...

Zamoso,

Thank you for your thoughts. You make such a good point with the statement; "a pleasant and positive attitude," because our attitudes as adults are the catalyst for creating and maintaining the atmosphere in our homes.

Learning to phrase requests in a non-threatening way is a much nicer way than its opposite. It does seem that when time presses, things don't always come out as kindly as we would like them to.

Paying attention to the present and remembering to insert a pause between action and reaction is vital.

August 29, 2009 10:20 PM

Tamara said...

Hi! Got your email and thought I'd come check it out.

Like everything in the AP community, it seems to come down to those who are more Dr Sears/mainstream AP (which often has a natural living component and isn't what most people mean by mainstream parenting), and those following the TCS philosophy. TCS makes some good points, with their extreme anti-coercion stance, but frankly, IMO, isn't practical for people who have more than one child. I know some people who make it work, but it's far from easy, and even they don't follow it to the letter.

So, at the risk of writing a novel, I'll say that growing up as the oldest of 6, some resentment of having to be "jr. mom" is just par for the course. And there are always times when each of us just. don't. wanna.

I don't know if you're looking for concrete ideas? Can the kids earn "free passes" to get out of a particular job once a week or so? What about folding it into homeschooling - each week/month as you study a different form of government/society/economy, redistribute the chores as they would look in that place and time. How would chores be distributed in a communist household? In a feudal realm? In a capitalist society, can the kids with money pay the other kids to do their work for them? What rate for chores will the market bear? What if the "poorer" kids unionize?

August 28, 2009 8:58 AM

A Homeschool Story said...

Thank you, Tamara,

You have such good common sense and such a no-nonsense vision of household matters. I love your ideas for teaching social history through work, that's fun.

I had to look up "TCS"; had never heard the term, though I know families who practice this and have great kids.

I personally, refuse to be labeled and squished into a limited group mind-set on any topic. Does this mean that I refuse to commit? No, it means I choose to think it out for myself, take what makes intelligent sense for me and let others make the same decisions.

August 30, 2009 7:23 AM

zamozo said...

Having read her website extensively and followed her writings on e-lists I can confidently say that Joyce Fetterol is not a follower of TCS, nor am I. There are elements of TCS philosophy that are shared with the principles of unschooling but I find their claims and methods extremely impractical and frankly, coercive in spite of their claims to the contrary. I think that Joyce advocates for respectful and non-adversarial parenting with the goal of a positive relationship with her child above most all other goals.

If Joyce's writings intrigue you, I encourage you to read more at her site and Sandra Dodd's. Join the Always Learning yahoo group where you read TONS of their ideas and suggestions.

I don't, however, wish to get into a blog comment debate so I'll end my commenting with this post.

August 28, 2009 9:21 AM

Tamara said...

Huh, guess I stirred something up (unwittingly, that's for sure)! I'm not familiar with Fetterol, nor am I a homeschooler or unschooler. Therefore, I'm sure my perspective is oversimplified and relatively uninformed. I certainly didn't mean to turn your comments into a mothering.com debate - I've avoided that place for the last 7 years and didn't mean to bring any of it here! My apologies for butting in!

August 28, 2009 4:27 PM

Tammy said...

We've had a chore chart posted on the fridge for as long as the kids can remember. The only thing that changes with it is occasionally I reprint it with the chores shuffled around so they all get experience and time enough to master each thing that needs done to keep a house running smoothly. I grew up with one brother and no other siblings and our house was just magically clean all the time because my mom did everything while we were gone. I left home not knowing how to do anything. It was horribly embarassing to have to ask people how to do simple things like clean a toilet and do laundry. I think we do kids a big disservice in not letting them take part in keeping the family home clean. It teaches them skills they need to know in life and adds yet another thread that bonds our family together. Working together (or sometimes alone) in making the home a peaceful and organized and lovely place is always a good thing in my mind.

August 28, 2009 6:11 PM

A Homeschool Story said...

Hi Tammy,

Thank you for your encouraging words. My mother, bless her, she reads my blog, did everything too. It was as you said; "magically (and perfectly) cleaned" while I was at school. While the house was always nice for us, my own housekeeping skills were non-existent when I left home.

The chore chart has created a space in which the details of what needs to be done are clear. The arguments the kids are having happen when a chore is not on the chart; clean the rat cage, help pick up the playroom...everyone thinks everyone else is doing less than the other.

I think, in the end, that our system is for the best. Yes, children are part of the household too. Yes, they deserve respect and kind treatment. They also deserve to be trusted with some responsibility, for the good of the household and their own training and sense of worth.

I greatly admire those whose temperament and patience allows them to gently request a child's help and then accept an eventual "no,". Some days I am OK with that, and then I make requests. Other days, for efficiency's sake, I will simply state a need, point to the chore chart, and expect what needs to be done to get done. Many times, when the kids are deeply involved in an activity or having a hard time of it, my husband or I will simply do a job. The point, after all, is not to make a point, it is to have a reasonably clean, pleasant home to live in.

August 30, 2009 7:51 AM

Chores and the Child

Running a household with five children is a task. Not an insurmountable task, but one that takes a bit of doing and concentration. Naturally, we have elected to share the chores associated with keeping the house from falling down around our ears with the older part of the population of minors. It just makes sense on many levels; helping out so that Mama is not all the way worn out at the end of the day, learning responsibility and useful skills, freeing up time by working together so that we can do more pleasant things; read aloud, go out, hang out and play a game, go for a walk, etc. I also believe in giving them chores to do that are real work, so that they can see the difference they make in the house. Most days everything goes smoothly and the children are very helpful. There are days, though, when I am more fatigued from all the encouraging (insisting insistently) I need to do in order for jobs to get done that I would be by just doing it myself. There are also days when the fighting over who needs to do which chore which day is beyond battle-zone-bad. And yes, the chore chart is on the fridge!

I just came across an article that made me stop and think; here is an extract and a link: the question; is it really worth all of the angst I need to go through to get them to carry out their chores? Would it be better to do it myself? What do you think? How does it work in your house?

Article extract from: http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/kidstohelpwithchores.html

a wonderful unschooling blog! Tomorrow, we will hear from the other side of the coin.

"I don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that chores belong to the parents

It's not a universal truth. It's a mindset that helps me achieve my goal. My primary goal isn't improving the state of my house. My primary goal is improving my relationship with my daughter. My goal is to put the relationship first and then figure out how to fit other things in without damaging the relationship.

Most parents say "I put my children first BUT ..." But that "but" changes the statement. If you've ever made a child cry or get angry or slam doors over something to do with the house then at those times the house is coming first and the child is coming second. Most parents may feel the times their children come first are enough to balance out the times they don't. (Even more important, I think, is what the children think!)

If that's your thought, then none of this will make sense.

But one thing that shifted my thinking was realizing I was making withdrawals from my relationship with my daughter to pay for something that would be gone tomorrow. And I'd have to do that everyday. In 10 years what would I have to show for all those withdrawals?"

Monday We Wash

So what does a homeschooler do all day? Just like "normal" people; we cook, we clean, we wash and dry doll clothes. The girls spent a looong time washing out their dolls' wardrobes and delicate handknits.

We also build; with blocks, with sand, with glue and light bulbs and spray paint. We visit with grama and grampa, pass from daisy to brownie scouts. We star in musicals, play at the beach and color ourselves blue.

Daisy to Brownie Bridging Ceremony