Homeschooling, Working and Routine

OK, this is my game plan, still in the testing stages. It is born of eight months of experience, many moments of worry and many happy hours of planning. Many mothers have a lot more years of doing this than I do, but each family is an individual unit made up of unique individuals. I am looking for a method that will work for us. 

First things first; consistency and rhythm. My first two children were brought up on a strict schedule. I only had two, and they were close in age, it was easy. By the time baby no. 3 arrived, they were in preschool, which meant drop-offs during morning nap time and pick-ups during afternoon nap time. This sweet girl would sleep in her car seat, or on the floor even (the proof that one has more than 2 kids), so things were still pretty easy. After that, I kept to a fairly regular routine, despite two more children, my husband working changing shifts for three years and new activities at new times. 

As the baby has become a four-year-old and largely immune to the need for naps, as the older children have reclaimed a later bedtime, and since I've begun working,  schedules have fluctuated and become less rigid, less predictable. This has not been without consequences. Behavior troubles have sky-rocketed and sibling rivalry has reached an all-time bad level. How do I know it's about rhythm?

This is what I've heard from them: "why are you messing up our schedule to go do something else??" (i.e. an unscheduled visit to someone in a nursing home.) Or yet again, "we never have any time at home." These are children who are homeschooled, who only go out for park day, kung-fu or theatre, guitar class, church, girl scouts, museum visits, twice (at least) weekly library trips, "play dates", (I hate that word), occasional errands to the grocery or thrift store, walks in the woods or family outings. No wonder they are socially handicapped, poor things. True, some of these outings have been increasingly moved to the am when we normally stay home and take care of chores and school, both because of my work schedule and because of evening activities. That does create a sense of chaos for some of my children. They are the ones who need me to create order for them in their world. I will honor that for the sake of their sanity and mine. 

I am renewing my commitment to stability and a regular rhythm. This, for us, means to bed on time, up and ready at a certain time, breakfast over, chores done, computer turned off and ready for a walk. The two weeks they spent at theatre camp were so refreshing this summer because those were the rules and they understood why they needed them; otherwise they could not stay awake, much less function in a 7-hr. a day intensive program. We were all ready and productive at 8:30 am. I loved it. Not to say that this cannot happen when we stay home, but the pressure is not there. For many, this is one of the great advantages to homeschooling. In my opinion, that is their right and privilege; having the option to run your house and your timetable the way you choose. This is freedom, this is why we love our lifestyle.

Next, a plan not unlike that of the past; walk, morning greeting (reciting together our poem of the week for the older ones, circle time for the two youngest), first hour, first assignment, this is when I will have a lesson with my first-grader, occupy my preschooler. Second 90 minutes second assignment, with each of the older three taking a turn with a younger one to read for 15-30 minutes while I give individual lessons or help to one of the others. Last 30 minutes; read aloud with Mama, all together. Then lunch; we always eat lunch and supper together, individual quiet time for an hour, and resume any other work left unfinished. Then it will be time for kung-fu or the library, unless there is a scheduled chiro, doctor or dental visit.

It sounds simple, but so many variables can easily get in the way of keeping to this schedule; doctors who need to be seen at 10am, friends who need a babysitter, an unfinished project from the day before, and work. The very nature of my work as an interpreter is to be available as much as possible. This can get tricky when a call comes for surgery at 5:30 am the next day or an emergency room right now. I hope by firmly re-establishing our rhythm, it will be easier for the children to carry on in my absence. Is it harder without me? Sure. Are they learning important life skills by coping on their own and getting along together without an adult? Definitely. As often as possible, their father will be working from home while I go to work, but they will still need to stick to the schedule in order to accomplish their work and to keep it all nice and peaceful. I will restrict my hours to no more than 2 days a week. I really do love being home with them. I believe that being a homemaker is a full-time, true occupation. I believe in being there, creating and maintaining this harmonious place. I love my work too, and like millions of women past and present, I am hoping to combine the two successfully. If you find yourself doing the same, your thoughts are most welcome. Good luck to you!

Simplicity Parenting: Step 2: Schedules

Pronounced by Mr.Payne as "sheh-dules", of course, like Colin Firth or Hugh Grant...a-hem, back to business. Changing this aspect involves   s l o w i n g      d o w n,   less time that is tied up in scheduled activities. More time to be a child, to eat as a family, to dream and to sleep.

When we first moved to this country with two small children, I was blown away at the schedules of a very sympathetic family I met at the hotel. We met, but we hardly ever had time to talk, because this mother of four was so busy driving her children to all of their activities, even though they were in the midst of moving to another part of the country. The youngest, at 4 years of age, was "supposed to" be at karate four times a week, but he usually only made it three times. What was surprising to discover was that this had become the norm here, everyone sighed and bemoaned their busyness, but it was expected once you had children. True, my own 4 year old was in her second year of school in France before we moved, but I had kept it to half-days (against all that was considered normal there) and we never went out again after we were home for the evening.  No one did. Evenings are times for dinner with your family and bed in many places.

It's funny how time and habit can change one's perceptions. Once my daughter began kindergarten, the notes home about "opportunities" for sports and outings and "fun" events at school came every week. "Come play in the bouncy house on Friday night when you are not in class or doing homework, fun? Hmmm.) School started at 8am, yet school skate parties were scheduled during the week from 6-8, to make it convenient for parents who worked. What about making it healthy for children? Soccer was offered on Saturday mornings, that was our traditional time to go to the market and muck around the house. Lily was not interested in soccer, but she was soon signed up for a ballet class on Saturday because I had always wanted to take ballet and was thrilled I could offer my child this great "opportunity." When did children or adults get to do any mucking around? You know; no agenda, maybe take a walk, work in the garden, go on a picnic? During the week there was school, after school we studied French, made dinner, gave baths and got to bed by 7 so that we could wake up early enough to be at school by 8. I hated it. The following year, though we were homeschooling by then, saw an acceleration in the activity level. Lily began ballet class in the evening. She was accepted into the TAG program, which meant we paid an inordinate amount of money per month, but she could go to class four times a week, some of those nights were from 5-9! As she never went more than twice a week, the worry became more about how much money we were spending and not "taking advantage" of the class time, but I had another baby and toddler at home and was not willing to go out after bedtime any more often than that. I wanted a regular rhythm, a "normal" from my childhood family life, where things happened at the expected time each day.

Balance is what Payne says we are to aim for. He asks families to take a look at their calenders and label each day with an "A" or a "C" for active or calm. His proposal makes sense; when you have one active day, try to sandwich it between two calm days in order to offset the stress of the active one.  This is just not going to be popular with some of my friends or readers, so please understand that I am making no judgments or criticizing choices made by anyone else. I am taking the defense of healthy childhood, and what works for some families may not work for others, but here are Payne's recommendations. He offers the idea, and the results he has seen as proof, that taking three or four days a week when there are no organized outings or activities, no after-care, no classes, no sports, can be wonderfully calming and healing to a child's spirit. Children are being barraged with too much activity, too much busyness going on around them, and to grow and thrive they require a regular rhythm and regular down time. Down time, by the way, is not screen time...but that, my friends, is another post!

When you sign up for the Simplicity Parenting starter kit at their website, you are sent a link to a very good podcast on this subject. "Stemming the deluge of childhood overdrive," is how Payne puts it. Here is the link again to his website: simplicityparenting.com

A Waldorf Conference: Inspiration and a Grand Time

Isn't Grand a great word? When was the last time you heard it? I'll bet the person was either over seventy or using it to describe their car, as in Pontiac Grand Am, in which case they were probably under twenty-five.

But Grand is exactly how this weekend turned out to be. Accompanied by my co-pilot (of the non-driving but highly entertaining sort), Aragorn, 12, we set out for Viroqua, Wisconsin, at 4:30am, Saturday morning. Destination: a conference on Simplicity Parenting. What attracted me to register was that it was a Waldorf conference. I was looking forward to my painting workshop in the afternoon, but the whole simplicity thing  seemed sort of old hat. Oh well, maybe a Waldorf approach to simplicity would hold new treasures. How little I knew!

We stopped for gas and caffeine and Aragorn talked me into sharing one of those energy colas that I now know taste like sweetened recycled pee with bubbles. Luckily, I also had a thermos of tea and some good chocolate on hand. We took one wrong turn and ended up 20 miles from Madison before I knew what hit me, that is an hour out of the way.

Why drive four hours (OK, five and a half) to spend a weekend in lectures and workshops? As a parent and educator of my children, the spirit and intellect need some renewing and fresh air once in awhile. Inner work is the term for this in Steiner language, becoming a better person, thus a better mother and better teacher through a conscious effort to do so is the idea. Besides, I am really bad at painting and always hoping for a miracle break-though each time I try.

The guest speaker was Kim John Payne, author of "Simplicity Parenting." His lovely Australian accent made him a joy to listen to, and he was a good speaker. (Accents make me go weak in the knee anyway.) He  had so much to offer in information, statistics and practical advice. This Waldorf crowd should have had it all figured out, we knew not too surround our kids with too much junk, overschedule them or let them sit in front of the tv. Sitting there, though, I realized that modern life had unfurled its insidious tiny leaves into the clean lines we had set out for our family's life together. Like a noxious, viney weed, the moment your concentration is  focused elsewhere, the moment you begin to listen to the "shoulds" and "musts" of society, it enters your life and fills the spaces you had reserved but forgot to safeguard. More on each topic will follow in further posts, it would fill pages! For simplicity's sake I will offer my insights on his counsel in tidbits rather than the huge post I've been trying to write all week. I am learning...all the time.

Here is a link to an article on his organization's blog: 
http://www.simplicityparenting.com/2011/03/knowing-when-to-slow-down/