Homeschooling, Working and Routine

OK, this is my game plan, still in the testing stages. It is born of eight months of experience, many moments of worry and many happy hours of planning. Many mothers have a lot more years of doing this than I do, but each family is an individual unit made up of unique individuals. I am looking for a method that will work for us. 

First things first; consistency and rhythm. My first two children were brought up on a strict schedule. I only had two, and they were close in age, it was easy. By the time baby no. 3 arrived, they were in preschool, which meant drop-offs during morning nap time and pick-ups during afternoon nap time. This sweet girl would sleep in her car seat, or on the floor even (the proof that one has more than 2 kids), so things were still pretty easy. After that, I kept to a fairly regular routine, despite two more children, my husband working changing shifts for three years and new activities at new times. 

As the baby has become a four-year-old and largely immune to the need for naps, as the older children have reclaimed a later bedtime, and since I've begun working,  schedules have fluctuated and become less rigid, less predictable. This has not been without consequences. Behavior troubles have sky-rocketed and sibling rivalry has reached an all-time bad level. How do I know it's about rhythm?

This is what I've heard from them: "why are you messing up our schedule to go do something else??" (i.e. an unscheduled visit to someone in a nursing home.) Or yet again, "we never have any time at home." These are children who are homeschooled, who only go out for park day, kung-fu or theatre, guitar class, church, girl scouts, museum visits, twice (at least) weekly library trips, "play dates", (I hate that word), occasional errands to the grocery or thrift store, walks in the woods or family outings. No wonder they are socially handicapped, poor things. True, some of these outings have been increasingly moved to the am when we normally stay home and take care of chores and school, both because of my work schedule and because of evening activities. That does create a sense of chaos for some of my children. They are the ones who need me to create order for them in their world. I will honor that for the sake of their sanity and mine. 

I am renewing my commitment to stability and a regular rhythm. This, for us, means to bed on time, up and ready at a certain time, breakfast over, chores done, computer turned off and ready for a walk. The two weeks they spent at theatre camp were so refreshing this summer because those were the rules and they understood why they needed them; otherwise they could not stay awake, much less function in a 7-hr. a day intensive program. We were all ready and productive at 8:30 am. I loved it. Not to say that this cannot happen when we stay home, but the pressure is not there. For many, this is one of the great advantages to homeschooling. In my opinion, that is their right and privilege; having the option to run your house and your timetable the way you choose. This is freedom, this is why we love our lifestyle.

Next, a plan not unlike that of the past; walk, morning greeting (reciting together our poem of the week for the older ones, circle time for the two youngest), first hour, first assignment, this is when I will have a lesson with my first-grader, occupy my preschooler. Second 90 minutes second assignment, with each of the older three taking a turn with a younger one to read for 15-30 minutes while I give individual lessons or help to one of the others. Last 30 minutes; read aloud with Mama, all together. Then lunch; we always eat lunch and supper together, individual quiet time for an hour, and resume any other work left unfinished. Then it will be time for kung-fu or the library, unless there is a scheduled chiro, doctor or dental visit.

It sounds simple, but so many variables can easily get in the way of keeping to this schedule; doctors who need to be seen at 10am, friends who need a babysitter, an unfinished project from the day before, and work. The very nature of my work as an interpreter is to be available as much as possible. This can get tricky when a call comes for surgery at 5:30 am the next day or an emergency room right now. I hope by firmly re-establishing our rhythm, it will be easier for the children to carry on in my absence. Is it harder without me? Sure. Are they learning important life skills by coping on their own and getting along together without an adult? Definitely. As often as possible, their father will be working from home while I go to work, but they will still need to stick to the schedule in order to accomplish their work and to keep it all nice and peaceful. I will restrict my hours to no more than 2 days a week. I really do love being home with them. I believe that being a homemaker is a full-time, true occupation. I believe in being there, creating and maintaining this harmonious place. I love my work too, and like millions of women past and present, I am hoping to combine the two successfully. If you find yourself doing the same, your thoughts are most welcome. Good luck to you!

Playgroups???

At circle time yesterday, our daily morning gathering, every single person named "park day!" as their joy for the day. The three-year-old named it his sorrow too; but he always has two joys every morning; one he calls "my joy" the other "my sorrow". (His baby brother is usually his sorrow, and though we know he means it to be a joy, you have to wonder...) After a winter hiatus of meeting in church basements and gymnasiums, and many weeks of illness keeping us from our weekly appointment with friends, we were all thrilled to be meeting our friends outside again.

Being an intensely private person, from a family of people that love to be alone, the whole concept of purposely planning a get-together with a bunch of other people with a zillion kids is a painful notion, at best. I have practiced play date resistance successfully ever since we moved to this country seven years ago. No mommy groups for me, thank you! But I have to tell you, this weekly rendez-vous has become the highlight of our week. And it was finally nice enough yesterday to go back to the park.

Not for you, a set play date each week? Bear with me a moment, if you will, while I convince you of the error of your ways. Knowing that one day each week you are setting aside for play and (the great buzz word of the school people, "socialization") creates several advantages. One, you get to see your friends and talk to people you like. Two, the children get a running, shouting, friend-filled day to look forward to. This is good for everyone. But you must make sure that your park day is with people you like to spend time with, because, don't tell the kids, but the socialization is mostly for you. Three, in setting up a regular day each week, you help to build a rhythm to your week, a fundamental of a Waldorf environment and good for children. Children do well with some sort of regularity in their lives. It need have nothing to do with school work or a school day. I know that's part of the reason you are homeschooling, us too, gleefully even! However, working rhythm into their lives in agreeable ways is both reassuring for them and makes life easier for you. Since I stopped asking myself the question each week of "Are we going to playgroup?" it has become easier to plan my week around it, prepare a loaf of bread for sandwiches the night before, or throw together a pasta salad and fruit. It has become a part of my routine, and not something I try to add in at the last minute.

How to go about creating a park date? Well, this is how it worked for us. A few homeschooling friends were meeting sporadically on nice days at the park a few years ago. Each week we would work out what day and where we would meet the following week. One day we decided we would set a day each week. We fiddled with the meeting time and place, but finally settled on Wednesday around lunch time. Little by little, our group grew. One brilliant woman had already set up a website for area homeschoolers that was inclusive to all, no matter what your reasons for homeschooling were. I began posting our weekly meetings there to get the word out. Last year we had our first "Not back to school picnic," in September. Over 25 families attended.

Our group is special, in that it is inclusive and unique in the area. I very clearly desired a space to come together, first with friends whose families had grown to the point of making getting together at our houses impractical. Second, one in which my family and I might connect with people from many places and many walks of life. Exploring the world is part of why we have chosen to homeschool.

Connecting with others who felt this way has been such a good part of my life. Dedicating a time for play for all honors the child in each of us. If you haven't already, you might want to give it a try.