Once my little guy came down with this nasty flu, my arms have been full of him for hours on end, so no blogging, despite my best intentions to make this a daily affair.
I am most grateful to have a healthy body, including feet clad in speedy sneakers, to run up and down stairs, bringing tea, treats, remedies, hugs and kisses to my munchkins.
Having a home with a fireplace in it is another on my "most grateful" list. For me, it makes everything cozy and homelike to be able to bring in wood, shake the snow off my boots and light a fire. It has been extra nice this week as a source of warmth and a place to gather to hear stories or play Nintendo or draw.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Renaissance Fair and the Child in Us All
Each year our family dresses up and heads to the Renaissance Fair. I could find lots of excuses for this; former theatre major honoring Shakespeare's time, history lesson for all, a fun day for the kids. The truth is, we all love it, and it was my idea, just for me, with kids as an excuse. I don't like to sew, but months before, each year, we start dreaming up and concocting a new variation on Renaissance-type characters we will invent garb for this year. This year we had a messenger, two knights, a page, an assassin, a pirate and a peasant. We saw demonstrations of alchemy, a tournament between two knights on horseback and lots of bards and troubadours. We got to try our hand at medieval martial arts and try on fun costumes and dream a little all day.
Day Four in Days of Joy: Staying Home
Working from home and staying home were blessings beyond compare yesterday as three out of five came down with the flu and daddy was still trying to get over it but battling severe aches and stuffy nose. Our son was everywhere and helping in every way; making scrambled eggs when I finally made it downstairs at 9 in the morning, fetching things, adding wood to the fire. Our day consisted of lots of tea and blankets and reading "Anne of Green Gables" in front of the fireplace. Oh, and we did move our blankets to the playroom mid-afternoon to watch a movie together. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as baby (I know, he's two, but he is the baby) woke with a burning fever a couple hours ago.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day Three in Days of Joy
Monkey bread for breakfast. Now that took me down memory lane of the best slumber-party breakfasts. I told my children about monkey bread a week or so ago and they didn't believe me. I got up yesterday, googled a recipe and had it ready by 9. I really just used my regular sweet-dough recipe, rolled it into little balls and dipped each in a butter/brown sugar sauce and put it all in a pan to rise and bake. They thought it was great.
Day Two of Days of Joy
Family pizza night! In which, each week, we make pizza (and I was the chef since the normal one was down with the flu), rent a movie and hang out together. It was a fun night, we saw the old Freaky Friday, the one with Jodie Foster as a 13-year-old.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Day One; Cardboard Boxes
We did have a lovely day yesterday; the kids came together with great enthusiasm to open up the wax and make a few candles. The boys most liked the idea of making red candles and bundling them together to look like dynamite. The eldest boy and ringleader of these little hoodlums, had the idea of making "fake candles" for his cardboard tank. I did not have the same level of consideration for the project. I let them know that this was an important job, we were making candles for our winter's supply. This pretty much went in one ear and out the other, if that; "Yada, yada, yada, mama." Who was I to prioritize in this cool game of rolling up wax into fun shapes? I agreed to one candle each for the endeavor. Luckily, they wanted really small candles, and everyone ended up making a personal candle with string for wicking.
Within ten minutes the first two boys had made two or three candles and were back in their tank. The girls lasted a little longer, but soon took up residence once more in their box house. It was only the baby and I. He had a great time. We rolled together and after rolling all of the apricot ("YE-YOW") candles on the table, he consented to roll the other colors too. He would have stayed there all day, happy as a lark. Normally, the others would have too, but a greater force was pulling them away; big cardboard boxes.
They had been cutting, creating, scheming and imagining for three days. The first box was actually the one the wax arrived in; it was big enough to play in, not because of the quantity of wax we ordered, but because of the necessary padding for it. For one whole day, I was delivered packages wrapped up and containing either the baby or the five-year-old. Even my husband joined in and delivered one to me while I was making dinner. Man, if having babies were only that easy!
The second box they recovered the next day from the recycling box, taping it back into shape. My daughter, 7, thought of a source for the third one yesterday; an unused wardrobe box in the basement. This REALLY big box of course occasioned much jealously amidst the tank team, which led to the negotiating and side-changing and mixing up of who was "living" in whose box that lasted until evening. Is this learning? the grandparents may be asking. If every diplomat in the world were as talented at bargaining and working out deals as these four, there would most likely be no need for war.
Fantastic diversion for two days of incessant rain and cold. Our first day of joy was a success, I am grateful.
Within ten minutes the first two boys had made two or three candles and were back in their tank. The girls lasted a little longer, but soon took up residence once more in their box house. It was only the baby and I. He had a great time. We rolled together and after rolling all of the apricot ("YE-YOW") candles on the table, he consented to roll the other colors too. He would have stayed there all day, happy as a lark. Normally, the others would have too, but a greater force was pulling them away; big cardboard boxes.
They had been cutting, creating, scheming and imagining for three days. The first box was actually the one the wax arrived in; it was big enough to play in, not because of the quantity of wax we ordered, but because of the necessary padding for it. For one whole day, I was delivered packages wrapped up and containing either the baby or the five-year-old. Even my husband joined in and delivered one to me while I was making dinner. Man, if having babies were only that easy!
The second box they recovered the next day from the recycling box, taping it back into shape. My daughter, 7, thought of a source for the third one yesterday; an unused wardrobe box in the basement. This REALLY big box of course occasioned much jealously amidst the tank team, which led to the negotiating and side-changing and mixing up of who was "living" in whose box that lasted until evening. Is this learning? the grandparents may be asking. If every diplomat in the world were as talented at bargaining and working out deals as these four, there would most likely be no need for war.
Fantastic diversion for two days of incessant rain and cold. Our first day of joy was a success, I am grateful.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Days of Joy: Playaways
Not being in a particularly creative mood and feeling the pinch of "days left to finish up" our study of Medieval Times, I am allowing myself to be inspired by two friends and fellow bloggers: alittlegardenflower.com and laughlivelearnlove.blogspot.com. They have each set out to have 30 days of happiness, full of fun projects, activities and the attitude to go with them. In laughlivelearnlove you will find photos and recipes and ideas galore if you are in need of a little extra fun these days.
It might be the cold, incessant rain, it could be the sickness of one family member after another, but things are feeling a little dull around here. I do not have plans for tomorrow, but today,... today we are going to open up those five lovely boxes of beeswax that arrived a few days ago and make candles until we are sick of making them or run out of wicking, whichever comes first. Then we will play our penny whistles and read "Anne of Green Gables" aloud. I have no doubt we will be able to incorporate the Middle Ages into this program. We'll turn out all the lights, make our candles by candle-light and cook our lunch in the fireplace, a little wild boar would be perfect.
While we're doing that, we will recharge our AAA batteries for a nice afternoon of napping or knitting with our playaways. I'm afraid I've become a little addicted to the idea of a story in my ear. It's all the fault of "Sense and Sensibility" and the fact that it is just as satisfying to listen to it read by a marvelous Englishwoman who does voices for each character than to have to bear the tolerant, amused expression on my husband's face, or his exasperation, as I rent the movie one more time. I had never dared check out a playaway at the library. I don't do books on tape, since I rarely have time to listen to them. I was at the library alone the other night for a moment, with my knitting, but feeling the pain of being surrounded by books and not reading. I happened to have my little guy's walkman in my bag, he must have handed it to me at some point in the day, so I had a set of earphones. I meandered over to the playaway section to see what was available. If you have never tried a playaway, it is a tiny little gadget, about 2 inches by 3 inches, real skinny, that contains a single recorded book. It comes with a AAA battery, that you will usually need to change before the book is over, and you plug a set of headphones in, hit the "power/play" button and away you go. My kids have been using them forever, but it looked too complicated for non-techie me. It's not! Amazing! When you are interrupted, you hit the same "power/play" button and it saves your spot for you until later. If you are simply trying to absorb something less enlightened than Jane Austin, you have a choice of 2 or 3 voice speeds. I accidentally bumped it in the pocket of my bathrobe the other morning (I've found I can listen in alone moments like throwing in a load of laundry or brushing my teeth), and it went to a hyper-speed rendition of the story, not at all as nice, but understandable.
There are my plans for a joyful day, how about you?
It might be the cold, incessant rain, it could be the sickness of one family member after another, but things are feeling a little dull around here. I do not have plans for tomorrow, but today,... today we are going to open up those five lovely boxes of beeswax that arrived a few days ago and make candles until we are sick of making them or run out of wicking, whichever comes first. Then we will play our penny whistles and read "Anne of Green Gables" aloud. I have no doubt we will be able to incorporate the Middle Ages into this program. We'll turn out all the lights, make our candles by candle-light and cook our lunch in the fireplace, a little wild boar would be perfect.
While we're doing that, we will recharge our AAA batteries for a nice afternoon of napping or knitting with our playaways. I'm afraid I've become a little addicted to the idea of a story in my ear. It's all the fault of "Sense and Sensibility" and the fact that it is just as satisfying to listen to it read by a marvelous Englishwoman who does voices for each character than to have to bear the tolerant, amused expression on my husband's face, or his exasperation, as I rent the movie one more time. I had never dared check out a playaway at the library. I don't do books on tape, since I rarely have time to listen to them. I was at the library alone the other night for a moment, with my knitting, but feeling the pain of being surrounded by books and not reading. I happened to have my little guy's walkman in my bag, he must have handed it to me at some point in the day, so I had a set of earphones. I meandered over to the playaway section to see what was available. If you have never tried a playaway, it is a tiny little gadget, about 2 inches by 3 inches, real skinny, that contains a single recorded book. It comes with a AAA battery, that you will usually need to change before the book is over, and you plug a set of headphones in, hit the "power/play" button and away you go. My kids have been using them forever, but it looked too complicated for non-techie me. It's not! Amazing! When you are interrupted, you hit the same "power/play" button and it saves your spot for you until later. If you are simply trying to absorb something less enlightened than Jane Austin, you have a choice of 2 or 3 voice speeds. I accidentally bumped it in the pocket of my bathrobe the other morning (I've found I can listen in alone moments like throwing in a load of laundry or brushing my teeth), and it went to a hyper-speed rendition of the story, not at all as nice, but understandable.
There are my plans for a joyful day, how about you?
Monday, September 14, 2009
LAKE SUPERIOR, as told by Lily , age 12
This is the story of our vacation. Before I start though, I am going to give you a summary on Lake Superior, so you get to know more about it.
Lake Superior is the largest freshwater lake in North America, and one of the three largest freshwater lakes in the world. It is also the largest of the great lakes of North America.
Lake Superior has a number of islands on it, but the ones we saw while on vacation are the Apostle Islands, a group of island clustered together in one part of lake superior.
Lake Superior is 160 miles wide, and 350 miles long. Its surface area is 31,820 square miles. Lake Superior is 1,392 feet at its deepest.
On July 30Th, 1985, American immunologist J. Val Klump was on a scientific expedition when he reached the depth of 733 feet in lake Superior.
September 7th, Monday, 2009, Labor Day
Today was the first day of our vacation, and we had to get up at 3:00 am to hit the road for a ten hour drive to lake Superior. We drove for most of the day, stopping three times at gas stations to eat and use the restroom. Finally, after looking at three different campgrounds, we decided on Little Sand Bay. By then it was about 4:00 pm, and we were glad to get out of the car. We went for a swim in the huge and beautiful lake Superior, which was clean, but very cold.Later, we headed out to the nearby town of Bayfield to eat. After getting a pizza and eating it on the beach, we set up our tent and went to bed.
September 8Th, Tuesday, 2009
After a tiring night in the tent, we got up and went for a hike along the beach. We ate lunch, then went back to the beach in swimwear, where we spent seven hours in the cold water. Later, we ate supper and went to bed.
September 9Th, Wednesday,2009
This morning we drove to Bayfield to find a laundry mat, and a grocery store. After doing our laundry and buying food, we went to dairy queen, then back to our campsite. After lunch we went to the beach, but is was to cold today to stay long, so we spent the rest of the afternoon at the campsite, carving with pocket knives. Supper was a nightmare. We had bought dinner in a cup for supper, but it have to be microwaved, so we had cold chicken noodle soup and easy mac, then went to bed.
September 10Th, Thursday, 2009
We spent the morning at the campsite, but ate lunch on the beach. Then we drove around for a while, hoping to rent a canoe, but when we could not find anything, we went to the beach and ate supper there.
September 11Th, Friday, 2009
Today we spent the morning packing and going to the beach, then set off at 12:00 pm to go to lake Pepin, the next stop on our trip. At three we stopped by pizza hut, then went on. At six we got to cobblestone inn and suites for the night. We slept very well there.
September 12Th, Saturday, 2009
After a wonderful breakfast at a hotel, we drove for twenty minutes to the town of Pepin, home and birthplace of pioneer Laura Ingalls Wilder. Today was a sort of fair for Laura days. We stayed until about two, then drove for five hours until we got home. It felt good at home.
That is the story of our vacation, and I am sorry if it was not to well written, as I am new to this kind of thing. I hope you enjoyed it all the same.
Lake Superior is the largest freshwater lake in North America, and one of the three largest freshwater lakes in the world. It is also the largest of the great lakes of North America.
Lake Superior has a number of islands on it, but the ones we saw while on vacation are the Apostle Islands, a group of island clustered together in one part of lake superior.
Lake Superior is 160 miles wide, and 350 miles long. Its surface area is 31,820 square miles. Lake Superior is 1,392 feet at its deepest.
On July 30Th, 1985, American immunologist J. Val Klump was on a scientific expedition when he reached the depth of 733 feet in lake Superior.
September 7th, Monday, 2009, Labor Day
Today was the first day of our vacation, and we had to get up at 3:00 am to hit the road for a ten hour drive to lake Superior. We drove for most of the day, stopping three times at gas stations to eat and use the restroom. Finally, after looking at three different campgrounds, we decided on Little Sand Bay. By then it was about 4:00 pm, and we were glad to get out of the car. We went for a swim in the huge and beautiful lake Superior, which was clean, but very cold.Later, we headed out to the nearby town of Bayfield to eat. After getting a pizza and eating it on the beach, we set up our tent and went to bed.
September 8Th, Tuesday, 2009
After a tiring night in the tent, we got up and went for a hike along the beach. We ate lunch, then went back to the beach in swimwear, where we spent seven hours in the cold water. Later, we ate supper and went to bed.
September 9Th, Wednesday,2009
This morning we drove to Bayfield to find a laundry mat, and a grocery store. After doing our laundry and buying food, we went to dairy queen, then back to our campsite. After lunch we went to the beach, but is was to cold today to stay long, so we spent the rest of the afternoon at the campsite, carving with pocket knives. Supper was a nightmare. We had bought dinner in a cup for supper, but it have to be microwaved, so we had cold chicken noodle soup and easy mac, then went to bed.
September 10Th, Thursday, 2009
We spent the morning at the campsite, but ate lunch on the beach. Then we drove around for a while, hoping to rent a canoe, but when we could not find anything, we went to the beach and ate supper there.
September 11Th, Friday, 2009
Today we spent the morning packing and going to the beach, then set off at 12:00 pm to go to lake Pepin, the next stop on our trip. At three we stopped by pizza hut, then went on. At six we got to cobblestone inn and suites for the night. We slept very well there.
September 12Th, Saturday, 2009
After a wonderful breakfast at a hotel, we drove for twenty minutes to the town of Pepin, home and birthplace of pioneer Laura Ingalls Wilder. Today was a sort of fair for Laura days. We stayed until about two, then drove for five hours until we got home. It felt good at home.
That is the story of our vacation, and I am sorry if it was not to well written, as I am new to this kind of thing. I hope you enjoyed it all the same.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Packing up and Heading Out
"If you are going on vacation, give yourself a day to prepare." Advice from a genuinely concerned author, mother of one or two, on how to eliminate stress from a mother's life.
Except that I have five children and I have been "preparing", not packing, mind you, that will take 30 seconds, but just preparing, for two days now, and we leave tomorrow. Somewhere along the line, my husband got the notion that the Apostle Island National Park in the very north of Wisconsin, on Lake Superior, would be the perfect vacation destination. It has been a year or two since that time. And here we go, a ten-hour drive, north, when all reasonable people, birds and animals are heading south for the winter, planning cruises to the Bahamas, jaunts to Hawaii or Florida...we're going north. (Just between us, I LIKE north, but the rest of them want to swim for a week solid, we'll see.)
For weeks now, we've been researching the area, found out there are bears galore, some wolves and wild cats too, waves of up to seventy feet...finally got over all the anxiety and nightmares of little people worried about lions and waves and bears. Recently, we've been reading reviews of campgrounds and randomly calling people in the Bayfield phonebook for their opinion on the local campgrounds.
Ten hours in the car. The possibilities are endless; road alphabet games, story-telling, knitting, books on tape, screaming toddlers...the last time we took a road trip with a two-year old, all of the great books on tape were yanked out of the CD player in a hurry each time he woke up and demanded; "hai-ye had a pah-ty," or "My Hair Had a Party Last Night," by Trout Fishing in America. Would you like me to recite the lyrics? Because I can. Along with "All I want is a Proper Cup of Coffee," the only two songs on the CD he wanted to hear. This time, I have a plan. I offered the three youngest their very own CD walkman. (I can hear my media-free friends right now, my only defense; it's not a DVD player, lol!)They can listen to, from youngest to oldest; "High School Musical 2," "Katie Kazoo," and "Geronimo Stilton," ('cause I heard that story 3379 times last year stuck in traffic around Chicago.) WE can listen to "The Mysterious Benedict Society" and "Gregor the Overlander," and if the older two decide to listen to their play-aways, the remaining adults can pop in "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families," or U-2 or Natalie Merchant or...have a conversation.
Problem number one; finding the walkmans (do we say "walkmen"?) I thought it would be simple; one store would surely do the trick, wouldn't it? Well, the first store was too expensive, so I declined to buy three of the four sets they had, I would find a better deal. Ah, how many hours of our lives do we lose out searching for the better deal?
I tried the next store on my list; cheaper, but zero left in stock. I started to get an icky twinge in my gut. I really hate to shop, unless it's for shoes when I have a real budget. I go home and look up stores online, find a great deal and send hubby, since he is going out to find one of those cool tuner thingy's to connect his ipod to the car stereo. He comes home empty-handed. I call around, no luck, go back to store number one; one left. Who the heck bought three walkmen since yesterday? The nerve! I go pick up the pizzas for dinner, a compromise in our busy day. On the way, I stop by one of the drug stores I had called and who had one left in stock. Victory, there are TWO, in TWO different colors!!! (And at this point, who cares that they were two dollars more than the original three I passed up.)
In the mean time, I have made purchases only camping would permit; I'll spare you the list, but it meant, for convenience sake, my annual pilgrimage to a really big store I never like to set foot in.
We drop the bird off at the boarder's, make arrangements for the plants and the rat and the mail, clean the whole house, rearrange the furniture in one bedroom. Drug store again for what we forgot at the big store. Oh, and go to the library three times to make sure we've returned everything, checked out the audio and paper books we'll want and a third time to sign up for the electronic book system, a very cool option.
Now to squeeze that mountain in the living room into our mini-van...happy vacation to us! We'll be off the grid for a week, no computers are along for the trip, cell-phone batteries will be out by the time we arrive...so don't call us, we'll call you.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Chores...continued, Thank you!
There were so many great responses from you all, that I want to put them in a separate post. Thank you for writing, thank you for your perspectives, your ideas and your respect for different ways of looking at the subject!
Here are the posts, in order, as well as some quotes from email responses.
They can't play outside or do anything fun till homework and chores are done.
My response:
From one no-nonsense woman, who accomplishes great things and has from a very young age, thank you!
When it comes to a small child, they are learning through imitation, we clean, they clean. When they hit about 9yrs, some children really start resisting. They need a little direction in my opinion - especially with a larger family - say three or more children. I have the chore chart - it is down to the 9s! We had fighting over prayers even so we cut that out by giving each child a day where they are responsible for all the meal prayers. Mom and Dad need to be models too so we are included on the chore chart. The fighting about chores is down to almost none - I don't yell about the chores, I give a reminder in the morning - then the chores are done before play time... period. I wouldn't spend a ton of time fighting about it. I think so many times we worry about hurting feelings or damaging them for life - the real damage comes when we release children on the world that don't know how to do dishes or fold laundry. You don't have to fight about the chores - just remind them firmly - I rarely fight since the chart is done. A simple question is given at breakfast "who has KP today?" The children with KP speak up and I give them any extra thoughts I have about the kitchen, after breakfast it is done. The child on laundry starts the dryer and the timer - when it goes off he/she folds and lets me know they've moved the laundry so I can put in another load. If I am asked "can I go play?" or if a friend shows up at the door - I ask "are your chores caught up?" If the answer is no then they can either let their friend help or they can be quick to do their chores and then go play.
I don't think chores have to be a huge pain - or a life changing fight. Mom has a choice. I totally agree with saving the relationship - but you don't have to lose your house in the process! Both can be accomplished. I say if you are fighting about it then there may be something else at play - are you up on your inner work? it takes two to fight, lol... if one side doesn't then there is no fight.
My response:
Thank you, Melisa, words of wisdom from a smart mother of four.
There is a great quantity of responses from a relaxed homeschooling list that I am part of, thank you all. I am going to request your permission before posting your comments, they will be included soon, I hope! The list: IDEA_2@yahoogroups.com
Here are the posts, in order, as well as some quotes from email responses.
Lisa Musil, Military Wife, Mom to 9 said...There are nine of us under the roof--my husband and I, our four birth children, ranging in age from 9 to 2, our grandson, age 2, and our foster daughter (17) and her 1 yo daughter. My husband earns the income and generally tries to clean up after himself. I am the "manager / supervisor". I make sure everything gets done--and I do a fair amount of the day-to-day upkeep. The three older kids take turns doing dishes. They've elected to take those a week at a time--so they have 2 weeks off at a time from dishes. Since I've gone back to school the new plan is that we will tackle the "big" chores together omn the weekends--not sure how this will work yet....
- A Homeschool Story said...
Lisa,
Thank you, I appreciate your perspective from a mixed-generation household. I wonder if having "a week off" really helps keep everyone in good cheer. I'll have to think about how that one would work out for us.
Good luck with school! 
Amy said...Hi, Came here from your post on the unschooler yahoo group. Here is my opinion on the excerpt you posted. I think she should have a career in politics b/c she has put a great spin on the topic and almost makes you feel guilty if you were to "force" your child to do chores at the expense of your relationship. But let's look at another situation. What if she got the same reaction when she asked her daughter to brush her teeth? Would she rather just let her daughter's teeth rot out of her head so as not to withdraw from the bank of her good relationship with her? IMHO, it IS putting the child first when they learn to be a responsible member of the family, and by extension, our society. There is a natural power struggle within the parent/child relationship and it sounds like she has decided to let her daughter win. (mother to an almost 3 yo and a 4 1/2 yo)
- Amy said...
I wanted to add that I am sorry if I came off harsh on my comment the other day. I have spent the week reading through every post on this blog, www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and it has given me a new perspective on our lifestyles here in America.
- A Homeschool Story said...
Hi Amy,
Thank you, your post made me laugh. As someone involved with LLL, politics and churches as well, it has become harder for me to accept a "party line" as a cure-all for everyone's problems.
I hold dearly to ever-improving communication with my children, no buts. However, improving does not mean always winning or losing a debate. Improving means coming to an understanding and then accomplishing what needs to be accomplished, sometimes despite our feelings on the subject. Does this need to cause door-slamming and yelling? The goal is for it all to be done in peace and contentment!
And no, you were not harsh, you were respectfully expressing your doubts.-
- Amy said...
We have 6 in our famiy: Dad, Mom, 12yo, 9yo, 7yo and 2yo. Dad earns the money that pays for uor house, fun etc. Folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, taking out trash and recycling are all chores that are split among the 3 older kids. 2 yo 'helps.' They also have to pick up toys (usually at some multiple of their age - 12 yo picks up 24, 7yo picks up 14 etc.) I cook, shop, school the kids, load the dishwasher and wash laundry. Yes, there are arguments, but they get rewards - clean dishes, clean clothes and an inch or two on the floor to play. I don't remember my own childhood chorers as damaging my relationship with my parents.
Amy 2,
Thank you for posting. I am glad to hear that chores getting done did not damage your relationship with your parents. I did have an email from someone who mentioned great resentment of their parents all through childhood because of work they were expected to contribute to the household.
I like your natural distribution of tasks in a household; Dad working for food, everyone helping to make it all happen. It sounds so logical and irrefutable, as though it would make sense, even to a child.
They can't play outside or do anything fun till homework and chores are done.
My response:
From one no-nonsense woman, who accomplishes great things and has from a very young age, thank you!
I only had two children but was aYou know... I do believe that we have to preserve the relationship and I think my take on it is a bit different - feel free to quote me here.
single parent who was exhausted every day from working to provide a
living and maintaining every aspect of the lives of three people. If my
kids didn't see chores as part of the requirements of everyday living in
our little house, I would be dead! I could not have provided the
"extras" for them, ones they wanted, such as camping trips, local
outings, discussion times, reading books together, putting on family
plays, making a garden, cooking together. I would have been doing all
the chores while they....what? Didn't learn the joy of accomplishing
something. Children can be taught that chores maintain an environment so
that environment can maintain them and pleasures in life.
We used Family Meetings once a week and amazing things happened. (My 10
year old son took over doing the family laundry for the summer and did it
well!)
My response:
Thank you, also, for the reminder of all the time the children are saving you by helping out, thus improving their own quality of life.
From Melisa Nielson, website; www.alittlegardenflower.com, Waldorf homeschooing consultant:
When it comes to a small child, they are learning through imitation, we clean, they clean. When they hit about 9yrs, some children really start resisting. They need a little direction in my opinion - especially with a larger family - say three or more children. I have the chore chart - it is down to the 9s! We had fighting over prayers even so we cut that out by giving each child a day where they are responsible for all the meal prayers. Mom and Dad need to be models too so we are included on the chore chart. The fighting about chores is down to almost none - I don't yell about the chores, I give a reminder in the morning - then the chores are done before play time... period. I wouldn't spend a ton of time fighting about it. I think so many times we worry about hurting feelings or damaging them for life - the real damage comes when we release children on the world that don't know how to do dishes or fold laundry. You don't have to fight about the chores - just remind them firmly - I rarely fight since the chart is done. A simple question is given at breakfast "who has KP today?" The children with KP speak up and I give them any extra thoughts I have about the kitchen, after breakfast it is done. The child on laundry starts the dryer and the timer - when it goes off he/she folds and lets me know they've moved the laundry so I can put in another load. If I am asked "can I go play?" or if a friend shows up at the door - I ask "are your chores caught up?" If the answer is no then they can either let their friend help or they can be quick to do their chores and then go play.
I don't think chores have to be a huge pain - or a life changing fight. Mom has a choice. I totally agree with saving the relationship - but you don't have to lose your house in the process! Both can be accomplished. I say if you are fighting about it then there may be something else at play - are you up on your inner work? it takes two to fight, lol... if one side doesn't then there is no fight.
My response:
Thank you, Melisa, words of wisdom from a smart mother of four.
There is a great quantity of responses from a relaxed homeschooling list that I am part of, thank you all. I am going to request your permission before posting your comments, they will be included soon, I hope! The list: IDEA_2@yahoogroups.com
zamozo said...We're a family of four - 2 adults, 2 kids (18 & 11)
We don't and never have assigned chores. Hubby and I both work. I don't work full time but we do operate three businesses out of our home and I work away from home 10 - 20 hours per week. My full-time stay-at-home mom friends ask me how I keep my house clean. The key for me has been to maintain a positive and pleasant attitude about cleaning.(We also don't have pets - per everyone's agreement.) Now that my kids are older they frequently ask me how they can help when I'm tidying for company. From time-to-time, I ask politely for their help, even when company isn't coming. They know that they can say, "no" and I won't get upset. I try not to interrupt them when they're involved in something important to them and I usually phrase my request with a flexible timeline such as, "Honey, when you're finished playing that game, would you please gather up the dirty dishes and bring them to the kitchen?" We have no negative bouts over housework and my kids are learning how to do various household tasks (it's not rocket science) and are very responsible members of our family. My 11 yo likes to surprise me sometimes by cleaning and arranging a certain area of the house.
It really does work but it may take awhile to reach a point this cooperative and happy if there's been nagging and coercion in the past. - zamozo said...
I just read some more wise words from Joyce Fetterol. These were on an e-list and she was writing about requiring kids to prepare their own food when they don't want to eat what was fixed for dinner -- different situation but similar emotions and goals:
What you wrote above is very goal oriented, the objective being to
move the child from dependence to independence. Unschooling takes a
less direct route that happens to end up at the same destination. The
mindset of the unschooler is to help them and support them. (Which is
different than a mindset of doing everything for them.) The *side
effect* of that is kids who do more and more for themselves on their
own schedule. (Whole) humans all naturally want to feel competent. If
we step back and give the kids the impression we expect them to be
independent, it can make them more dependent. It can feel like a
withdrawal of love.-
- A Homeschool Story said...
Zamoso,
Thank you for your thoughts. You make such a good point with the statement; "a pleasant and positive attitude," because our attitudes as adults are the catalyst for creating and maintaining the atmosphere in our homes.
Learning to phrase requests in a non-threatening way is a much nicer way than its opposite. It does seem that when time presses, things don't always come out as kindly as we would like them to.
Paying attention to the present and remembering to insert a pause between action and reaction is vital.-
- Tamara said...
Hi! Got your email and thought I'd come check it out.
Like everything in the AP community, it seems to come down to those who are more Dr Sears/mainstream AP (which often has a natural living component and isn't what most people mean by mainstream parenting), and those following the TCS philosophy. TCS makes some good points, with their extreme anti-coercion stance, but frankly, IMO, isn't practical for people who have more than one child. I know some people who make it work, but it's far from easy, and even they don't follow it to the letter.
So, at the risk of writing a novel, I'll say that growing up as the oldest of 6, some resentment of having to be "jr. mom" is just par for the course. And there are always times when each of us just. don't. wanna.
I don't know if you're looking for concrete ideas? Can the kids earn "free passes" to get out of a particular job once a week or so? What about folding it into homeschooling - each week/month as you study a different form of government/society/economy, redistribute the chores as they would look in that place and time. How would chores be distributed in a communist household? In a feudal realm? In a capitalist society, can the kids with money pay the other kids to do their work for them? What rate for chores will the market bear? What if the "poorer" kids unionize?- A Homeschool Story said...
Thank you, Tamara,
You have such good common sense and such a no-nonsense vision of household matters. I love your ideas for teaching social history through work, that's fun.
I had to look up "TCS"; had never heard the term, though I know families who practice this and have great kids.
I personally, refuse to be labeled and squished into a limited group mind-set on any topic. Does this mean that I refuse to commit? No, it means I choose to think it out for myself, take what makes intelligent sense for me and let others make the same decisions.-
- zamozo said...
Having read her website extensively and followed her writings on e-lists I can confidently say that Joyce Fetterol is not a follower of TCS, nor am I. There are elements of TCS philosophy that are shared with the principles of unschooling but I find their claims and methods extremely impractical and frankly, coercive in spite of their claims to the contrary. I think that Joyce advocates for respectful and non-adversarial parenting with the goal of a positive relationship with her child above most all other goals.
If Joyce's writings intrigue you, I encourage you to read more at her site and Sandra Dodd's. Join the Always Learning yahoo group where you read TONS of their ideas and suggestions.
I don't, however, wish to get into a blog comment debate so I'll end my commenting with this post. - Tamara said...
Huh, guess I stirred something up (unwittingly, that's for sure)! I'm not familiar with Fetterol, nor am I a homeschooler or unschooler. Therefore, I'm sure my perspective is oversimplified and relatively uninformed. I certainly didn't mean to turn your comments into a mothering.com debate - I've avoided that place for the last 7 years and didn't mean to bring any of it here! My apologies for butting in!
Tammy said...We've had a chore chart posted on the fridge for as long as the kids can remember. The only thing that changes with it is occasionally I reprint it with the chores shuffled around so they all get experience and time enough to master each thing that needs done to keep a house running smoothly. I grew up with one brother and no other siblings and our house was just magically clean all the time because my mom did everything while we were gone. I left home not knowing how to do anything. It was horribly embarassing to have to ask people how to do simple things like clean a toilet and do laundry. I think we do kids a big disservice in not letting them take part in keeping the family home clean. It teaches them skills they need to know in life and adds yet another thread that bonds our family together. Working together (or sometimes alone) in making the home a peaceful and organized and lovely place is always a good thing in my mind.
- A Homeschool Story said...
Hi Tammy,
Thank you for your encouraging words. My mother, bless her, she reads my blog, did everything too. It was as you said; "magically (and perfectly) cleaned" while I was at school. While the house was always nice for us, my own housekeeping skills were non-existent when I left home.
The chore chart has created a space in which the details of what needs to be done are clear. The arguments the kids are having happen when a chore is not on the chart; clean the rat cage, help pick up the playroom...everyone thinks everyone else is doing less than the other.
I think, in the end, that our system is for the best. Yes, children are part of the household too. Yes, they deserve respect and kind treatment. They also deserve to be trusted with some responsibility, for the good of the household and their own training and sense of worth.
I greatly admire those whose temperament and patience allows them to gently request a child's help and then accept an eventual "no,". Some days I am OK with that, and then I make requests. Other days, for efficiency's sake, I will simply state a need, point to the chore chart, and expect what needs to be done to get done. Many times, when the kids are deeply involved in an activity or having a hard time of it, my husband or I will simply do a job. The point, after all, is not to make a point, it is to have a reasonably clean, pleasant home to live in.
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