Friday, March 16, 2018

Influenza Do's and Don'ts

Dang; do I need two apostrophes for "don't's"? That looks stupid, never mind. Your list then, ladies and gentlemen:
If a loved one has the flu, thou shalt NOT:

1) Look up the latest news story detailing all of the deaths from complications caused by the flu; whether it be A, B, H or a new one just in. It is a source of unnecessary angst. 

2) Or do your very best to avoid: quickly pull up a window shade, too quickly, breaking it and assuring no more shade for the present, while you took the opportunity to air out a child's room while changing yet another set of soaked sheets. Said grumpy teen was in the shower and had not wanted room aired in the first place. Luckily, dad was working from home and we were able to repair it with packing tape real quick before he even made it back out of the shower.

3) Accidentally laugh whilst announcing that you are very sorry that his elbow turned out to be fractured, not just hyper-extended. This, because, even though you are truly, very sorry for him, the memory that it happened while he was arm-wrestling at the cafeteria table with another 8th grader and it is his own dang fault cracks you up every time. And it really shouldn't, not if he has the flu and you are a good mom. 

However, thou shalt:

1) Provide as many cups of tea as you can force a child to down in a day.

2) Give him whatever remedies will help for pain and fever; honey, oscillococcinum, warm rice bags, back-rubbing, tv, comic books...(I draw the line at video games, they just make your head hurt.)

3) Make a quiet space for her to rest. 

4) Ensure that the parent in charge takes a 30-minute break to stretch or take a walk or watch half an episode of a period show with brave warriors and braver princesses in fabulous costumes, or out of them...while on your trampoline, and another 30-minute break to sit quietly and knit or write.
PS A-ha! Apparently, if we want to be consistent, the correct spelling is: Dos and Don'ts. That looks stupid too. I will keep my grammatically dubious, but more aesthetically pleasing title.

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