Chores and the Child

Running a household with five children is a task. Not an insurmountable task, but one that takes a bit of doing and concentration. Naturally, we have elected to share the chores associated with keeping the house from falling down around our ears with the older part of the population of minors. It just makes sense on many levels; helping out so that Mama is not all the way worn out at the end of the day, learning responsibility and useful skills, freeing up time by working together so that we can do more pleasant things; read aloud, go out, hang out and play a game, go for a walk, etc. I also believe in giving them chores to do that are real work, so that they can see the difference they make in the house. Most days everything goes smoothly and the children are very helpful. There are days, though, when I am more fatigued from all the encouraging (insisting insistently) I need to do in order for jobs to get done that I would be by just doing it myself. There are also days when the fighting over who needs to do which chore which day is beyond battle-zone-bad. And yes, the chore chart is on the fridge!

I just came across an article that made me stop and think; here is an extract and a link: the question; is it really worth all of the angst I need to go through to get them to carry out their chores? Would it be better to do it myself? What do you think? How does it work in your house?

Article extract from: http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/kidstohelpwithchores.html

a wonderful unschooling blog! Tomorrow, we will hear from the other side of the coin.

"I don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that chores belong to the parents

It's not a universal truth. It's a mindset that helps me achieve my goal. My primary goal isn't improving the state of my house. My primary goal is improving my relationship with my daughter. My goal is to put the relationship first and then figure out how to fit other things in without damaging the relationship.

Most parents say "I put my children first BUT ..." But that "but" changes the statement. If you've ever made a child cry or get angry or slam doors over something to do with the house then at those times the house is coming first and the child is coming second. Most parents may feel the times their children come first are enough to balance out the times they don't. (Even more important, I think, is what the children think!)

If that's your thought, then none of this will make sense.

But one thing that shifted my thinking was realizing I was making withdrawals from my relationship with my daughter to pay for something that would be gone tomorrow. And I'd have to do that everyday. In 10 years what would I have to show for all those withdrawals?"

Monday We Wash

So what does a homeschooler do all day? Just like "normal" people; we cook, we clean, we wash and dry doll clothes. The girls spent a looong time washing out their dolls' wardrobes and delicate handknits.

We also build; with blocks, with sand, with glue and light bulbs and spray paint. We visit with grama and grampa, pass from daisy to brownie scouts. We star in musicals, play at the beach and color ourselves blue.

Daisy to Brownie Bridging Ceremony

Rhythm

Who woulda thunk? We "began the school year" so to speak, yesterday morning at 10:30 (we had a rollicking good time with friends in their pool the night before and no one was ready to begin our day early). We commenced with lighting a candle and a sharing of joys and sorrows. To a child, even the ones who had been protesting the "back to school moment" most loudly, they all listed as a JOY, starting up our routine again. Some called it school, some called it circle time, some called it "our usual day" and baby, I think, said something like; "Gaeouze-moufalb," because his mouth was full of apple or blue marker or both, it was hard to tell. They were all happy to have days where they knew what would happen when and to have time together peacefully.

I believe in rhythm, I believe in setting the pace and keeping it a calm one for children. It is reassuring to them and creates harmony and flow in a busy household. I also believe in spontaneity and following through on last-minute ideas. Finding a balance of the two is an ongoing mama samba for me.

Another, less flattering note on rhythm; the baby (two now, and a bit beyond baby, but he's the last) has definite expectations of his own day's proceedings. We came home from a long trip a few weeks ago. It was late at night and we all just fell into bed and sleep. Or we would have, had we remembered his bed time routine. He resisted and resisted sleep. He would drift off and then wake up again, crying and screaming for "la-la" (his potty chair) or "bas" (en bas, downstairs) or "Memo", the unmentionable video he is allowed to watch five minutes of each evening. Only at that point, I had not yet realized that this had become a habit. (I won't qualify that as a routine or ritual, too awful for that.) After removing his diaper and taking him downstairs to "la-la" three times, I came to the realization that, at 12:30 am, he was not going to sleep until we sat with him by the tv for five minutes with Finding Nemo turned on. I grumbled and dragged my fanny out of bed and down the steps, baby in tow, sat on the darn sofa, turned on the aforementioned movie and he was out like a light. How humbling for an almost media-free mother!

I'll have to watch what I encourage as habits; my own as well as theirs.

How do you keep the flow going in your house? What are your scheduling absolute limits? Please share!

Summertime

The kids don't know it yet, but I am putting off the beginning of the school year by one more week. It is only July, and the thought of starting at the beginning of August as planned leaves me lukewarm, at best, and feeling like a cruel mother at worst. Not that homeschooling is particularly time-consuming in terms of hours in a day that we are all actually studying, writing and doing math. But it is summer, and it has been a cool one. It has also been a busy one. Almost no time that has felt lazy and unfilled with activity and obligation. We need a good couple of weeks of lazy and relaxation, and hopefully boredom to motivate a desire for more. If the hot days are about to begin, I want to be able to enjoy the beach, the garden, (and hide inside in the air-conditioning when I need to.)

This weekend was perfect; we picked up our eldest, who had spent almost a week with her grandparents in Dubuque. While we were there, Thierry and I made the most of the weekend before our anniversary to leave all of the children with grandma and grandpa and spend a lovely afternoon in Galena. We strolled the streets, window-shopped (with the exception of the yarn shop, which I spent as much time in as I could romantically allow myself. To be fair, it really is a fantastic yarn shop). We had a leisurely lunch, fudge from the candy shop I went nuts in as a kid, and coffee from a newer coffee shop across the way by the railroad station. The weather was perfect, the ambiance relaxed and us-focused. That felt like summer.

Yesterday the children and I took a bike ride at the time I should have been preparing lunch, the worst time of the day for sun exposure, and it was lovely. We accomplished nothing else the whole day except lunch and dinner. That felt like summer too.

I wish you many days of summer-like feeling for the rest of the season. Store up some sunshine before winter arrives. My plan for today; visit my tomato plants, plan our math block in detail, knit a bit (socks), finish up the laundry I began, go to the library, make lunch, take a nap with baby, read a story to the kids (Treasure Island right now), make dinner while they build a snowboard with Daddy, go to bed. Lazy enough for a mother of five!

Not crafts: Reposted from 2009

I have always been a rotten craft mom. Can't come up with one single idea for popsicle sticks and that fun foam stuff leaves me uninspired, but give me some beautiful colors of embroidery floss or warm,inviting wool to knit, a sewing machine and fabric, and I become a prolifically productive individual. The past two weeks have found us busy making a doll for my little guy's birthday, with my oldest daughter knitting and sewing him a wardrobe. I also spent two days inexpertly making him a pair of overalls out of a friend's old curtains. (I can knit better than I can sew.) He is the sweetest doll, and I think my two-year old could care less. What he is really into is playing shoot-my-big-brother and watch him fall over "dead", or reading a story with mama. He will pick him up once in awhile and call him "baby" but it does not look to be a deep, endearing sort of love, oh well.

My sweet little seven-year-old girl brought me a gift yesterday; a folded-up wad of paper. When I opened it, there was a thick, pink and yellow gunky sort of design. "I made it with glue stick glue and eraser parts." That's my kind of girl. I told her about the hours I spent as a child trying to perfect the art of painting with eraser shavings (they were all pink back then) mixed with glue; tactile art. I try to encourage them in all of their artistic endeavors, though it is sometimes hard to keep breathing normally when "art" equals really big mess. They use things like ink and pen (the pen is not the problematic part of the equation), sealing wax, play dough, beeswax for modeling, colored pencils (ah, colored pencils, such a nice, clean medium!) yarn, wool potholder loops, fishing line (not cool), paint, they love paint, and real clay...I've hidden that one in the cupboard.

I had a long talk (rather a one-sided talk, since I did all of it) with a friend yesterday about Tasha Tudor. When Tasha was asked to contribute to a book on her crafting, she indignantly retorted; "I don't do crafts!" This from a woman who grew her own plants for dying her wool, split her own branches for weaving baskets and wove her own cloth for the 1830's clothes she loved so. No, she didn't "do crafts" but her life was one long creative endeavor.

What I hope to instill in my children is not a series of recipes for learning, making or doing (except perhaps for mathematical formulas and my recipe for chocolate chip scones), but a love for fine materials, for color, for taste and for living in harmony with the world around them.

Yes, in Waldorf education, this translates to teaching by example; seeing me knit, garden, sew and cook, they learn that this is a normal part of life. Painting and drawing are a mix of seeing my drawing and imitating it, painting with colors as we add them together, and free-style scribbling and finger-painting. There is a moment for each during the day. We have some instruction time and a whole lot of free time. This is not limiting as one would think. For a child to produce something of quality, be it art, writing or music, they need to have experienced quality first-hand. This does not, however, translate into coloring books and foam craft kits with pre-cut pieces (though we have been known to buy Klutz kits for things from beading to origami to snap-together animals; a dark environmental shame I will carry to the grave!) I know a few unschooling friends who will have lots to say on this topic...please feel free to leave comments, and have an artful day!